Everywhere you look there’s another list!
Apparently you have to have a list to support your argument otherwise you really don’t have an argument.
“10 Ways to Boost Your Productivity,” “15 Tricks to Save Money on Groceries,” and the ever-popular “20 Signs You’re Secretly a Cat.” Okay maybe it was only nine.
But recently, I stumbled upon a true gem: “12 Reasons You Should Never Leave Dog Poop in Your Yard.”
Yes, you read that correctly. A dozen reasons because you need that many in order to secure victory in that debate.
I guess they didn’t want to go with –
7 Unbelievable Ways Your Coffee Mug is Conspiring Against You
11 Startling Signs Your Goldfish Might Be a Secret Agent
50 Signs You’re a Monkey King Trapped in a Human Body
27 Everyday Objects That Look Like Something Else Entirely (You Won’t Believe Number 15!)
But who am I to judge? Maybe some of us need that extra push to embrace the obvious.
So, for the sake of entertainment let’s take a silly sarcastic stroll through my 12 reasons you should never leave dog poop in your yard.
It’s Unsanitary
Really? You mean that the waste from a living creature is not a hygienic addition to my front yard? Shocking!
It’s a Legal Issue
Ah yes, the law. Because common sense needs legal reinforcement.
New Pet?
You might accidentally adopt a whole new ecosystem of bugs. I have enough pets thank you.
Fitness Regimen
Constantly dodging dog poop will turn your lawn into an extreme obstacle course. American Ninja Warrior has nothing on you.
It Can Harm Other Animals
Wait, dog poop can spread disease to other pets and wildlife? It’s almost as if leaving hazardous waste lying around is a bad idea. Who knew?
Neighborhood Gossip
Your neighbors will be so jealous of your Poop Fountain the HOA will force you to remove it.
It Can Harm Children
Kids could get sick? You don’t say! Next, you’ll tell me that licking doorknobs during flu season is a no no.
Doggie Diplomacy
Other dogs will take it as a territorial challenge and start a poop war on your lawn.
Unexpected Art Installations
Stepping in it and then walking around might result in “modern art” all over your house.
Odor of the Year Award
As inviting as it may sound I don’t believe you would really want to win an award for the most unique backyard fragrance.
It’s Just Plain Gross
You mean to tell me that smearing my hands in dog poop is not a delightful sensory experience? What a revelation.
It’s Dog Poop
Finally, we reach the heart of the matter! It’s Dog Poop for crying out loud! That’s the only reason anyone needs.
And for people like me who make lists to make fun of people who make lists, I’ve made another list.
Top 5 Ridiculously Funny Names for People Who Make Fun of Lists – Can You Handle Number 4?
The List Critics
Rank Razzer Rudolphs
Bullet Point Banishers
Top Ten Tormentors
Enumeration Eliminators (sounds like a bond villain)
