Embark on an Epic Journey to an Authentic 16th-Century Online Marketplace – Nelly and The Professor #4
This episode of Exploring with Nelly and The Professor is a satirical journey to a centuries old Online Marketplace that blends historical insight with modern absurdities.
But as we begin today’s episode, it’s worth noting that due to recent recommendations from The Department of Viral Affairs (D.V.A.), we’ve been advised to ensure all historical insights remain emotionally resonant, trend-adjacent, and—most importantly—engagement-approved.
In unrelated news, if you’re watching this from a region where facts are still considered neutral, please be advised: the opinions expressed in this journey may have been lightly pre-approved for maximum shareability.
Now then—let’s sail to the online marketplace of the 1500s!
Nelly: Professor, I just tried to sell my old hiking boots through an online marketplace, but these fees are ridiculous!
Between shipping, seller fees, and taxes, I’m barely making anything.
Plus, I even added extra photos, wrote ‘like new’ in bold, and someone still offered me half the price and a broken toaster in trade.
Professor Chronicles: Ah, Nelly, the woes of commerce are nothing new!
You know, in the 15th and 16th centuries there was another kind of online marketplace. Traders crossing the Mediterranean that faced their own versions of seller fees.
Customs duties, tariffs, and their version of bartering with broken toasters, the occasional pirate tax.
Nelly (eyes widening): You’re telling me the 1500s had their own version of an online marketplace with outrageous seller fees?
Professor: Precisely. Let me show you how they used swords instead of customer service reps and merchants braved the seas for profit, long before promo codes and express shipping. The online marketplace of the 16th century.
Nelly: Why not maybe I’ll get a better price for my hiking boots!
Professor: Imagine setting sail on wooden trading ships and stepping into the bustling ports of Venice, Genoa, Alexandria, or Marseille.
These were the online marketplaces of their day—but instead of clicking ‘buy now,’ merchants sailed weeks through unpredictable waters, negotiated in multiple languages, and hoped they wouldn’t arrive too late for the best deals.
Nelly: So instead of bad reviews, traders had to worry about getting their ships raided? That’s a brutal return policy. What products were trending in the 1500s?
Professor: Spices like cinnamon and cloves from the East, gold and silver from Europe and Africa, and luxury goods like Venetian glass and fine textiles.
Don’t underestimate salt and sugar either—those were hot commodities.
Nelly: I’d totally open a 16th-century Etsy shop selling exotic spices with free two-month shipping via galleon.
Probably with an extra fee if you want it delivered without pirates. With reviews like ‘Five stars—only one pirate attack!’
Professor: I’ll make sure the merchant guild reviews your proposal.
Nelly: Tell them there’s a 5% discount for all guild members. Limited-time offer and I’ll waive the extra pirate fee.
Professor: And while taking our journey through time and trade we can’t ignore the real dangers traders faced—storms, shipwrecks, piracy, even political blockades that closed off entire ports.
Shipping delays back then could mean losing your fortune.
Nelly: Okay, but my version is clicking ‘ship now’ on an online marketplace and watching the tracking page glitch. Different centuries, same headaches.
Professor: You also have to remember that back then, haggling was an art. There were no set prices, no online checkout carts.
Gold coins, spices, and textiles changed hands based on what people were willing to trade.
Nelly: Like a broken toaster?
Professor (laughing): Or maybe one attacked by a sea creature.
Nelly: So instead of clicking ‘best offer accepted’ on an online marketplace, they had to actually talk to people? The horror.
Professor (smiling): Back then an honest merchant might negotiate price, but only a pirate would try to devalue a rival’s cargo just to buy it for a song.
Nelly: Kind of like what’s happening at Informer.Digital right now?
Budgets slashed to the bone, everyone whispering that the whole place is being undervalued so someone can scoop it up cheap?
Professor (with a raised brow): Ah yes, the modern tactics of digital plunder.
A tale as old as trade itself—only now it happens through memos and spreadsheets instead of cutlasses and sabotage.
Nelly: At least with pirates, you could hear them coming. These ones are hiding behind ‘cost efficiency reports.’
It’s almost as if you’re being told to click here if you would like to scream into the void.
Professor: And now we have Informer Underground. It would appear someone wants to turn us all against each other so there will be no negotiating a unified push back.
Nelly: I need to learn good negotiating tactics.
Professor: Perhaps today’s exploration to our online marketplace should include you trying to haggle your way through the docks of Marseille.
Nelly: I’d either get the deal of a lifetime or end up owning a goat.
Professor: Then let’s cover the basics.
First, bluffing.
In 16th-century ports, you had to sell the story as much as the spice.
A merchant might claim his cinnamon came from a sacred grove blessed by monks—when really, it fell off a cart in Venice.
Nelly: So basically the 1500s version of ‘handcrafted’ and ‘artisan’?”
Professor: Exactly! And then there’s the walk-away—the portside power move.
Start leaving and watch the price magically drop.
Nelly: That’s my go-to strategy when they won’t bundle shipping. I walk.
Then suddenly I get a coupon code like we’re old friends.
Professor: And finally, the counter-offer sandwich. You’d compliment the goods, slip in a lowball offer, then butter them up again.
‘These spices are divine… I’ll offer three coins… only a true connoisseur like you would carry them.’
It was flattery wrapped around an insult.
Nelly: So basically, haggling with a side of charm. I know how to do that–I’ve seen reality TV.
Professor: Then you’re ready. Just remember: every port has its secrets—and every good deal comes with a story.
Nelly: Perfect. I’ll bring charm, lowball offers, and a goat. Let’s make some history.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
