How To Use AI – Episode 3: Unlock the Ultimate Secrets to Epic Love or Fall Flat With Panache
with Tony Promptano
SATIRE DISCLAIMER – EXTENDED EDITION
Welcome to How To Use AI—the only parody series brave enough to tackle the 21st century’s weirdest digital scam:
> “Learn How To Use AI in just 15 minutes a day and become the office genius your boss never asked for!”
You’ve seen the webinars.
You’ve scrolled past the ads.
You’ve heard the guy on TikTok say, “If you’re not using AI, you’re already irrelevant.”
This show is not that.
This is a satire of that.
We’re here to poke fun at the algorithm overlords, the prompt-hacking prophets, and every LinkedIn life coach who swears AI will turn you into a billionaire by next Thursday.
But today, we take a brave step into even dumber territory:
Asking AI for relationship advice.
Because what could go wrong when you treat a large language model like a 21st-century Dear Abby—
Just as long as it wasn’t programmed by Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. Or Brad and Angelina. Their divorce took longer than most careers.
And now, on to the episode.
TONY (to camera): Welcome to How To Use AI, the only show that dares to ask: Should you really let a machine that’s never been ghosted tell you how to fix your love life?
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Absolutely not.
Expert opinion: You’re gonna do it anyway, so let’s make it fun.
Segment 1: Dear AI, Should I Text Her?
You ever wonder how to use AI to handle your emotional baggage?
Good news!
You can now outsource your feelings to a language model trained on Reddit arguments and 19th-century love letters.
Actual prompt from a real human:
> “Write a message to my ex that expresses regret, accountability, and also reminds her I’m dating someone hotter now.”
And AI delivered!
A beautifully structured breakup haiku, formatted in MLA style, with bonus bullet points for her convenience:
“I am sorry.”
“I have grown.”
“My new girlfriend is a yoga influencer.”
If you’re wondering how to use AI to make your romantic life worse, congratulations—you’re nailing it.
Segment 2: When the Robot Becomes the Therapist
Another viewer asked:
> “Can I use AI to decode my partner’s texts? Like, what does ‘K.’ really mean?”
Of course you can.
That’s exactly how to use AI—by feeding it vague emotional breadcrumbs and expecting it to cough up wisdom like a digital Dr. Phil.
Here’s what AI told them:
> “K. is a shortened affirmation. It may imply passive acceptance, latent hostility, or digestion issues.”
Wow. Thanks, HAL 9000. Really cracked the code there.
Segment 3: AI-Generated Romance
One guy tried using AI to write a love poem for his anniversary.
Here’s an excerpt:
> “Your eyes are like cloud-based storage—vast, reliable, and accessible from anywhere.”
That’s how to use AI if your goal is to sound like you’re trying to seduce a router.
TONY (to audience): Look, I get it. Relationships are hard. Feelings are messy. You think AI is clean, simple, predictable. But let me tell you something:
Love is supposed to be confusing. That’s how you know it’s real.
If your relationship has gotten so robotic that your phone knows more about your needs than your partner does… it might be time to stop asking how to use AI—and start asking how to use your voice.
REAL ADVICE: How to Know When to Walk Away
If you’ve reached the point where you’re typing your relationship problems into a chatbot instead of talking to your partner, it’s a red flag with a blinking neon sign.
Here’s how to know when to walk away:
You feel more alone with them than without them.
Every conflict turns into a performance instead of a conversation.
You’re editing your words constantly, not to be kind—but to avoid explosions.
You’re trying to get AI to say what they never will.
Look, I’m not saying understanding how to use AI can’t help sometimes.
It can give you a script. But it can’t give you clarity. That has to come from you.
And when you finally stop asking how to use AI to fix a broken situation, and start asking how to use your own honesty—maybe that’s when things really start to change.
TONY (sign-off): That’s it for this week’s How To Use AI.
Tune in next time when we figure out how to use AI to break up with your landlord.
Spoiler alert: it ends in a three-paragraph email and a passive-aggressive playlist.
Until then—stay human. Or at least human-adjacent.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
