📰 Do You Not See It? Episode 1: Stephen Colbert vs. The Sheldons! Exquisite Dazzling Brilliance and Outlandish Baffling BS—Welcome to the Baffling
SATIRE DISCLAIMER
The following is a work of satire meant to mock the entire media landscape—and those of us who can’t stop watching it.
These characters are fictional. Their dysfunction is not.
Always remember if you can’t Dazzle them with Brilliance Baffle them with Bullshit.
INFORMER.DIGITAL – BASEMENT PRINT ROOM – 10:03 A.M.
This is not the glamorous livestream studio upstairs.
This is where stories go to be argued over, dumbed down, repackaged, or quietly smothered.
The people in this room are not on camera. They write what goes on the front page of Informer.Digital—the official website.
Today, they’re deciding the lead story.
THE WHITEBOARD READS:
> TOP SPOT DEBATE
Colbert Canceled: CBS Cuts Late Night Legacy
Sheldonverse Expands: Young Genius Spinoff Gets Renewed Again
HOPE (writing in bubbly font): Okay! So we’ve got one story that’s kind of sad and angry and weirdly serious.
And one that’s nostalgic and full of hugs and punchlines.
People are tired. Let’s be gentle.
CHAZ (holding his phone sideways): I mean, “Bazinga” still trends. One Colbert joke goes viral every third week.
Sheldon memes? Eternal.
THEO (sharpening his voice like a blade): Do you not see it?
Colbert called out CBS’s parent company for quietly paying Trump $16 million.
No replacement.
No farewell tour.
They didn’t retire him—they erased him.
LANA (already typing): Satire provokes.
Sheldons comfort.
You know what comforts me? Branded content.
We don’t platform the truth—we package it.
HOPE: CBS said it was a financial decision. Late night costs more than it makes. Maybe audiences really do want something light before bed.
THEO: He was profitable. Emmy-nominated.
He punched up, not down.
You cancel a critic and call it budgeting.
Do you not see it?
MORGAN (quietly, near the printer): They muted the monologue. But the laugh track survives. Do you not see it?
[SANDY BURSTS IN, WAVING A PRINTOUT.]
SANDY: Why is my exposé on kids being tracked by grocery store apps buried under “Top 10 Sheldon Moments to Warm Your Patriot Heart”?
CHAZ: Because one makes people smile.
The other makes people cancel their subscriptions.
SANDY: Do you not see it?!
HOPE: Let’s just split the tone.
Colbert gets the headline, Sheldon gets the side carousel.
That way people can choose rage or nostalgia.
LANA: Actually—dual merch lines.
Left side: “Thank You, Colbert” hoodies for the satire fans.
Right side: Colbert voodoo dolls—for the MAGA crowd.
Branded pins. Tiny Late Show desk to stab.
We don’t take sides—we invoice both.
CHAZ: That’s horrifying.
But scalable.
THEO (snaps): Why stop there? Let’s throw in REEL Cream—Rear Entry Extra Lube.
Tagline: “Apply anywhere you’re told to accept what we tell you to accept.”
You’ll have it in the influencer bundle by lunch, right?
LANA (smirking): Honestly? That’s a product.
THEO: Do you not see it?
MORGAN (not looking up):
He’s showing you. You’re trademarking it. Do you not see it?
Theo (deadpan): “You know what this moment needs? A giant Corporate Eraser. Just sweep the satire into the void and leave a press release behind.”
Lana (already sketching a logo): “We can sell it in three sizes: Plausible Deniability, Executive Accountability, and Total Narrative Reset.”
Theo: Sure, maybe even put it into a bonus bundle. You could pair it with the REEL Cream as part of the “Compliance Kit.”
Comes in a branded tote that says: “I Changed My Mind. Officially.”
Lana: Now you’re talking!
HOPE (reading from the whiteboard): Headline: “CBS Cancels Colbert, Doubles Down on Sheldons—Politics or Preference?”
Tag it under ‘entertainment’ so no one asks real questions.
CHAZ: And then a quiz below: “Do You Prefer Truth or Laugh Tracks?”
SANDY: I’m gonna to go scream into a filing cabinet.
THEO: You’re writing the obituary of satire.
With emojis.
LANA: We can sell the tombstone. Then release a limited-edition candle.
THEO (deadpan): You know what would’ve saved him?
A concert ticket.
Too bad their CEO isn’t going to a Coldplay concert this week.
Maybe we can make a new show out of that to replace Colbert.
LANA (already sketching): “Corporate Harmony: A CEO’s Journey Through Sound.”
Each episode ends with a group hug and a stock buyback.
CHAZ: Throw in a live rendition of “Fix You” over the credits and boom—Emmy.
HOPE (genuinely moved): That song does heal people.
The room goes quiet. The whiteboard remains unresolved. Morgan silently files Sandy’s exposé into a folder labeled “Published, Never Featured.”
MORGAN (to no one): They frame the story. Then sell the frame. Do you not see it?
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
