What a joy it is to live life on the cutting-edge of technology!
Everything is at a higher level.
Cost-Effective Quality?
Simply offering the best product at the lowest price just doesn’t cut it anymore.
Businesses are no longer satisfied with just knowing your name, address, and shopping habits. Oh no, they’re stepping it up a notch—because who wouldn’t want their shopping experience personalized down to the very last detail?
Thanks to the magic of artificial intelligence, companies can now gather even more intimate information, like whether my ears are too big, or if my eyes are crossed, to figure out how much extra they can charge me for something I probably didn’t want in the first place.
All Systems Go, Let’s Roll!
Take Kroger, for instance. They’ve rolled out a shiny new AI-powered dynamic pricing model that doesn’t just adjust prices based on demand. No, that would be too simplistic.
This marvel of modern technology also uses cameras with facial recognition capabilities to judge me for my age and gender, and maybe even how tired I look on a Monday morning. Because clearly, someone who looks like they need a nap must be willing to pay top dollar for a gallon of milk, right?
You Also Get A Cutesy Name
But that’s not all. Kroger’s Enhanced Display for Grocery Environment (EDGE) system goes a step further. It’s designed to build a detailed profile of me as I shop—determining my maximum willingness to pay for that box of cereal I stared at for a little too long.
Because why settle for charging me a fair price when they can squeeze out a few extra dollars by figuring out just how desperate I am for those frosted flakes?
Invasion of Privacy?
Come on, who wouldn’t want their shopping experience enhanced by a system that knows if I’m willing to pay more because I don’t have a strongly defined chin line—thanks to my refusal to chew that miracle gum recommended on social media—or if I’ve got a weird haircut?
If anything, it’s a public service! How else would I know that I need to pay more for the privilege of being judged by an algorithm that knows me better than my own mirror?
Improving Customer Experience
And by “improving,” they mean “squeezing every last penny out of us.” But hey, at least they’re doing it with cutting-edge technology. If I’m going to be overcharged, it might as well be by an AI that’s smart enough to figure out my deepest insecurities.
So next time you’re shopping and notice that the price of your favorite snack just went up as you reached for it, remember to thank Kroger and their AI overlords. After all, in the end, it’s comforting to know that no matter how advanced technology gets, its ultimate purpose remains the same: finding new and exciting ways to charge us more for things we don’t even want.
