Astrology Strikes Back April 18 2025! Aurora & Rex: Can Stars, Cinema and Colossal Snark Reverse the Curse?
This is a work of satire. All astrological commentary, office gossip, and cosmic karaoke predictions are meant for entertainment only—no horoscopes were harmed in the making of this segment.
Aurora (sighing dramatically): Before we get to the cosmic chaos raining down from the box office this week, I have to talk about something far more disturbing than a gravitational pull with attitude.
Jack is planning to sing ‘Eye of the Tiger’ in reverse with Polly.
Rex (dryly): I knew this week felt cursed. That explains it.
Aurora: He says it’s going to “reverse the curse”—and by curse, I mean the total collapse of his sports predictions since that karaoke incident.
Rex: He used to be wrong strategically. Now it’s like he’s trying to hit a bullseye while juggling flaming torches in a tornado..
Aurora: And Polly’s actually considering it!
Rex: Funny thing is people would probably watch that.
Aurora: Has anyone done a compatibility chart on those two? Because I swear that duet was written in the stars… and possibly hexed by them.
Rex (grinning): The more I think about it, we could be talking Pay-Per-View event here.
Aurora: Not funny Rex.
Rex (smiling): Just trying to make you relax.
Aurora: Then slip me a couple of those cosmic cocktails like you did the last time.
Rex: Speaking of cosmic, there are three movies releasing this Friday. And yes, we did your favorite thing and ran every last astrological chart.
Aurora: But before we get to the cinema skies, can I just say—Jack doesn’t know anything about astrology. Last week he asked if Mars in retrograde was when a planet hit reverse like in Mario Kart.
Then he asked if singing backwards could “trick the moon.” I had to go lie down.
Rex: I bet you lie down a lot.
Aurora: It’s called spiritual exhaustion, Rex. Try explaining lunar houses to someone who thinks Saturn is a professional wrestler.
Honestly, it’s a miracle this office isn’t under permanent astrological quarantine. And yes, that’s a thing—I just made it a thing.
Rex: Where’d I put that cosmic cocktail recipe?
Astrology Alert: April 18th is Aries Territory.
Three wildly different films, all under the bold, impulsive, and occasionally explosive sign of Aries. Buckle up, stargazers.
Sinners (Supernatural Thriller)
Director: Ryan Coogler – Gemini (May 23, 1986)
Main Cast & Signs:
Michael B. Jordan – Aquarius (Feb 9, 1987)
Hailee Steinfeld – Sagittarius (Dec 11, 1996)
Jack O’Connell – Leo (Aug 1, 1990)
Delroy Lindo – Scorpio (Nov 18, 1952)
Aurora: This is what I call a firecracker lineup. Fire and air signs everywhere. Gemini director, Aquarius lead, and a Leo antagonist?
Astrology says this movie isn’t just intense—it’s electrified.
Rex: So your cosmic prediction is… vampires with emotional damage?
Aurora: And you say that like it’s a bad thing.
Sneaks (Animated Sports Comedy)
Directors: Rob Edwards – Cancer (June 22, 1963), Chris Jenkins – Sagittarius (Dec 4, 1960)
Voice Cast & Signs:
Anthony Mackie – Libra (Sep 23, 1978)
Chloe Bailey – Cancer (July 1, 1998)
Laurence Fishburne – Leo (July 30, 1961)
Martin Lawrence – Aries (April 16, 1965)
Rex: So it’s a movie about, talking sneakers.
Aurora: Talking sneakers trying to rescue one of their own—and powered by astrology. That Aries-Cancer pairing? Pure emotional action.
Rex: I knew astrology would find a way to sneak in.
Aurora: I’ll give you an eight on the cute scale for that comment Rex. Astrology is the thread holding this cinematic universe—and this office—together.
The Wedding Banquet (Romantic Comedy)
Director: Andrew Ahn – Pisces (Mar 17, 1986)
Main Cast & Signs:
Han Gi-chan – Virgo (Sep 6, 1998)
Bowen Yang – Scorpio (Nov 6, 1990)
Kelly Marie Tran – Capricorn (Jan 17, 1989)
Lily Gladstone – Leo (Aug 2, 1986)
Aurora: Look at all that grounded earth energy! Virgo, Capricorn, Scorpio—it’s deep, heartfelt, and astrologically aligned for romantic tension.
Rex: Sounds like a great double feature with a breakup and a pint of ice cream.
Aurora: Or a full moon and a full heart. This is your astrology-approved comfort film of the month.
Rex: You might want to go for the ice cream and the movie.
Aurora: So what did we learn? Astrology is real, office karaoke should be regulated, and Martin Lawrence is cosmically timed for comeback energy.
Rex: And maybe Jack should just stop singing, forward or backward.
Aurora: Stars willing, Rex. Stars willing.
And if that fails, I’ve got three candles, a crystal, and a backup astrology app ready to go.
Reminder: Everything you just read is pure satire. The astrology is exaggerated, the workplace drama is fictional (mostly), and Jack singing backwards will not, in fact, shift planetary alignment—no matter what he says.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
