Outrageous Baseless Rumor of the Week: Vanishing Light, Escalating Tensions – Informer Underground #2
What follows is satire, speculation, and 100% rumor — compiled from breakroom whispers, questionable sources, and a possibly sentient coffee machine.
Please do not cite this in HR complaints, court proceedings, or budget meetings.
All resemblance to real office drama is purely intentional.
Tinfoil Tuesdays never looked so good… except now the rumor is someone’s stolen the light.
The Studio B Glow-Up Scandal
One minute it was glowing.
Next minute — gone.
The ring light from Studio B has mysteriously vanished, and the rumor is spreading faster than microwave popcorn in the breakroom.
In its place?
Frankie — the enigmatic host of the bizarre late-night visual experience known as Frankie After Dust — is now lit like a golden god.
Smooth shadows. Warm glow. Perfect cheekbone bounce.
They say it’s just candlelight and good vibes.
We say: check their storage closet.
Meanwhile the rumor mill is alive! Aurora is looking suspiciously radiant, Nikke Ammo claims his lighting has been “sabotaged by amateurs,” and Max keeps adjusting his hat angle like it’s a sundial from a noir film.
Coincidence?
Or are we witnessing Phase 2 of the Studio B power struggle: The Brightest Will Rule?
Breakroom Quotes – Recorded (illegally) by the coffee machine:
“I swear Frankie’s been glowing since that light disappeared. Either they stole it, or they’ve been drinking liquid gold.”
– overheard near the stale croissants
“It’s not theft. It’s redistribution of radiance.”
– possible confession? Unclear. The witness was distracted by kettle corn.
“I don’t trust anyone who lights their face from below. That’s villain behavior.”
– anonymous quote from someone chewing a celery stick with vengeance
“Frankie After Dust is the only show that makes me feel seen and also low-key afraid.”
– quote scrawled on the bathroom wall in lip liner
The Suspect List Grows:
Frankie – Glowing. Calm. Too calm. Could be innocent. Could be untouchable. Their show airs at 2:17 a.m., involves candle unboxings and aura readings, and somehow still has better lighting than prime-time segments.
Aurora – Was last seen in Studio B the night before the disappearance, humming softly and rearranging crystals.
Max – Claims the lighting in DIY segments is “totally natural,” but also borrowed three extension cords yesterday.
Sally – Hasn’t reacted at all. Why? Because she’s used to cooking in the dark? Or because she knew this was coming?
New Intel:
Tinfoil Tony (Facilities/IT/Breakroom Security?)
Says the light “was causing an energy ripple inconsistent with natural karma.”
Also thinks the vending machine knows too much. Possibly right. Possibly the source of next week’s article.
Ingrid from HR
Allegedly seen shredding Studio Equipment Inventory Reports while whispering, “They’ll never trace it to me.”
She may have meant taxes. We’ll never know.
Dr. Bexley (Pop Culture Polly’s Therapist)
Unlicensed? Possibly. Quoted last week saying, “Projection is just truth in disguise.”
May be advising Polly… or managing this chaos like a low-key mastermind with a lava lamp.
The Broth Council (a.k.a. the Soup on Trial Judges)
Supposedly requested better lighting for their “intensity of slurp-based deliberation.”
Most people never see them at the studio, but one janitor claims they move silently… and always leave behind a faint smell of dill.
Conspiracy Corner: Phase 2 Begins?
Remember last week’s leaked memo labeled “Devalue. Divide. Dominate”?
Well, a rumor just hit that a second document has surfaced — this one titled:
“Glow Up or Get Out: The Studio B Realignment.”
No one has seen the contents yet… but someone claims it’s written in Comic Sans, which is, frankly, a war crime.
Final Rumor (for now):
Is the missing ring light a prank?
A power grab?
A symptom of larger sabotage?
Or is it all a smokescreen — a literal light-dimming distraction from whatever Phase 3 really is?
🎙️ The Hot Mic Recording
According to the latest rumor what appears to be a private greenroom conversation was “accidentally” recorded (according to no one) and uploaded to an unlisted cloud folder labeled:
“Sentiment Metrics – Monitor Folder C // Logged by: Algorithm Alignment Team”
The transcript is short. But devastating.
Gracie (arms crossed): So let me get this straight—we’re only allowed to say the opinions that The Suits think are going to trend?
Jack: That’s not new. That’s just sports radio with a better wardrobe.
Sandy (reading memo): “Please align your hot takes with approved sentiment metrics.”
Polly: What does that even mean?!
Max (shrugging): It means we’re getting paid to be popular, not to be right.
Dana: But why does anyone care what we think in the first place? I’m just a girl with glue sticks and strong feelings about elbow macaroni.
Jack: I was told my opinion mattered because I have a symmetrical face.
Gracie: [audible shift as she looks directly at camera]
“Viewer discretion is advised. Especially if you still think we’re experts.”
Sources inside the building claim this file was embedded in a mislabeled USB drive titled “Q2 Snack Budget Visuals.”
Others say it just… appeared on the shared drive.
Either way, it’s now being reviewed by D.V.A. for possible “opinion misalignment violations.”
You didn’t hear it from us.
You didn’t hear it at all.
Tinfoil Tuesday Sign-Off:
Until next time…
Trust no one.
Suspect everyone.
And remember:
In the land of shadows and rumors, the one with the ring light rules them all.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
