BBL The Definitive Derriere Debate – Beauty, Bank Accounts, and Butt Stuff: WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE #8
What you’re about to read is pure satire. We are not medical professionals, licensed financial advisors, or certified booty consultants. Any resemblance to real procedures, portfolios, or post-op pillow purchases is purely coincidental and definitely exaggerated for entertainment purposes. Please consult an actual expert before injecting anything—money or otherwise.
NOVA: Don’t panic, Corny Baby, but I’m seriously considering getting a BBL. That’s Brazilian Butt Lift for anyone still stuck in the gluteal dark ages.
CORNELIUS: Oh good, I was worried it might be a new cryptocurrency. Nova, you’re a perfectly lovely human being just as you are—why trade natural beauty for a BBL that comes with surgical risks and a ten-year expiration date?
NOVA: It’s not just about looks—it’s about empowerment. Expression. Owning my image. A BBL is my way of saying, “This is my body, my brand.”
CORNELIUS: You know what else says empowerment? Taking the $5,000 you’d spend on that BBL and investing it. Let’s say you put it in a solid IRA, average 7% annual return. In 10 years? Nearly $10,000. That’s a long-term glow-up that doesn’t involve stitches.
NOVA: But a BBL gives you confidence now. That’s valuable too. It’s not vanity—it’s visibility. Social presence, career moves, brand deals. BBLs are practically networking tools at this point.
CORNELIUS: Until you’re networking from a donut pillow, oozing lymphatic fluid into a compression garment that smells like last night’s regrets. You know the infamous BBL smell? That’s real.
NOVA: Yes, okay, post-op odor is a thing. Sweat, drainage, bacteria—it’s not ideal. But it’s temporary. And totally manageable if you’re hygienic.
CORNELIUS: Did you just say, ‘Sweat, drainage, and bacteria’? Nova, that sounds like a fly by night law firm.
NOVA: I also said it was manageable.
CORNELIUS: As is insecurity, if you give it time and perspective. When I was your age, people didn’t finance their self-worth through fat grafting. BBLs didn’t exist—we relied on attitude, not augmentation.
NOVA: When you were my age, your biggest enhancement was a pair of acid-wash jeans. You can’t judge modern confidence by vintage denim. A BBL isn’t about insecurity—it’s about embracing what makes you feel amazing.
CORNELIUS: Until that amazing feeling fades in five years and you’re facing a revision BBL or a regret consultation. This isn’t Botox. It’s major surgery—with a higher complication rate than most cosmetic procedures.
NOVA: Then that’s why you research. Pick the right surgeon. Learn the risks. People get BBLs and live their best lives. And FYI, not everyone who gets a BBL is doing it for others. Some of us just want to fill out a pair of jeans like a dream.
CORNELIUS: Nova, you can already fill out jeans like a dream. The only thing you need to inject is more belief in yourself.
NOVA: I do believe. I just want a little boost.
CORNELIUS: And tell me this, Nova—what happens when the BBL goes out of fashion? What do you do when making a bold, confident statement looks exactly like your natural self again? What do you do then?
NOVA: Honestly? I’ve thought about that. I don’t want to spend my life chasing trends just to feel seen. But maybe this isn’t about trends for me. Maybe I just want to look in the mirror and see the version of me I’ve always imagined—stronger, bolder, mine. Not for likes. Not for fashion. Just… for once, on my own terms.
CORNELIUS: Please sleep on it. For me.
NOVA: Fine. But if I do the math and decide the BBL and the IRA can coexist—I’m getting both. Double the assets.
CORNELIUS: Then at least promise me you won’t pick a surgeon who advertises with emojis. And read the fine print: “BBL results may vary and don’t come with a pension.”
NOVA: Deal. But if I walk in here with a perfect BBL and a growing portfolio, I expect a standing ovation.
CORNELIUS: Only if you promise not to ask me to twerk at your reveal party. These hips haven’t lied—they’ve just retired.
Some debates are timeless. Others are just really well-contoured.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
