These days it’s crucial to make the most of our limited free time. While some misguided souls may spend hours on video games, there’s a superior alternative that guarantees unparalleled enlightenment: watching cable news.
Here’s why devoting your time to the 24-hour news cycle just crushes those so-called “educational” games.
The Beauty of One-Sided Opinions
Why waste time considering multiple perspectives when cable news offers you the comfort of pre-packaged opinions? You don’t have to think critically or analyze different viewpoints.
Instead, you’re spoon-fed the “right” way to think. It’s like having a personal guru, but with better hair and more dramatic music.
Half-Truths and Misinformation: The Spice of Life
Video games claim to teach strategy and problem-solving. But who needs that when you can enjoy the unpredictable roller-coaster of half-truths and misinformation?
Every day, you’re presented with fresh, skewed facts that keep you on your toes. Who knew reality could be so flexible?
It’s like a mental gymnasium, constantly stretching your ability to discern truth from fiction—or just accept the fiction.
No Solutions? No Problem!
Video games often require players to find solutions and overcome challenges. Boring!
Cable news eliminates this hassle by focusing on problems without the pesky burden of solutions.
You’re free to wallow in the comfort of knowing everything is terrible, and nothing can be done about it. It’s oddly liberating.
Learning Strategy and Planning is Overrated
Video game enthusiasts might argue they’re developing critical skills like strategy, planning, and resource management.
But in the real world, when have you ever needed to employ a well-thought-out plan?
Life is chaotic, and cable news reflects that perfectly. Who needs to manage resources or think ahead when you can react impulsively to sensational headlines?
Tactical Employment of Whole Plans? Yawn.
Some might say video games teach the tactical employment of entire plans. But come on, that’s just fancy talk for “boring and complicated.”
Cable news, on the other hand, provides a steady stream of simplified narratives and easy-to-digest sound bites. It’s like fast food for your brain—quick, tasty, and with just as much nutritional value.
The Thrill of the Drama
Video games might offer immersive worlds and engaging storylines, but they can’t compete with the real-life drama of cable news.
Political scandals, celebrity mishaps, and apocalyptic weather forecasts—cable news has it all.
It’s reality TV with a dash of gravitas. Who needs fantasy when real life is this entertaining?
Embrace the Madness
So, let’s stop pretending video games are the superior choice. Embrace the one-sided opinions, revel in the half-truths and misinformation, and enjoy the drama of cable news.
After all, who needs strategy, planning, and problem-solving skills when you can have a front-row seat to the greatest freak show on earth?
