Randy and Gertie in Conspiracy Affair – Chemtrails of Desire #1
Randy Freeborn and Gertie Goldwater weren’t your typical power couple. They didn’t meet at a coffee shop or lock eyes across a crowded room.
No, their love story began in the comment section of a conspiracy forum.
Randy, with his booming voice and penchant for all-caps rants, was the self-proclaimed “Truth Warrior.” He saw through to the core of the conspiracy. And the conspiracies were everywhere!
Gertie, a former nail salon owner turned full-time “conspiracy researcher,” was instantly drawn to his theory about how birds, insects and plants coexisting is a government conspiracy to condition people to accept “organic” and “chemical free” as the norm. But every full-time conspiracy researcher knows that pollination is just the transferring of chemicals from one place to another to keep us complacent.
Their home—a one-bedroom rental in a Midwest strip mall—was ground zero for their mission to “wake up the sheeple.”
The walls were covered with color-coded strings connecting photos, newspaper clippings, and question marks. A giant map of the U.S. dominated the room, with pins marking all the “suspected chemtrail hotspots.”
Conspiracy with a Chance of Passion
On this particular evening, Randy was hunched over his laptop, typing furiously into a forum thread titled “Geoengineering: The Deep State’s Dirty Secret.” Gertie sat across from him, staring dreamily as he ranted.
“Randy,” Gertie said, leaning forward, her eyes sparkling with admiration, “the way you talk about geoengineering… it just… it does something to me.”
Randy smirked, adjusting his belt over his ever-expanding waistline. “You mean, the way they know how to bring rain with cloud seeding but refuse to save California from wildfires? Yeah, Gertie. That’s what they don’t want you to know.”
Gertie swooned, her voice dropping to a whisper. “Say it again, Randy. Tell me the conspiracies of how they manipulate the weather to control our minds.”
Randy moved closer, his voice dropping to a sultry tone. “They’re using chemtrails, Gertie. Chemtrails. But not just for the weather. For population control. And that’s not all,” he added, locking eyes with her. “The wildfires? They’re part of a larger globalist plot to wage economic warfare and deindustrialize the United States before triggering total collapse.”
As their fingers entwined over a pile of printed-out memes and empty fast food containers, the radio crackled in the background, blaring their favorite conspiracy podcast.
The host was mid-rant about his lizard people and lesbians infiltrating Congress conspiarcy when Randy leaned in closer.
“You get me, Gertie,” he murmured. “You really get me.”
“And you get me, Randy,” Gertie replied, clutching his hand. “Let’s never stop fighting the globalists… or our desire for each other.”
They leaned in for a kiss, their love as boundless—and as nonsensical—as the conspiracy theories that had brought them together.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
