Unveiling the Shocking Diddy Trial: The Secret Rash of Respect and Baby Oil Conspiracy – Sandy & Polly #10 The Civility Itch
Satire Disclaimer
The following is a work of satire intended to mock the world of celebrity news, image makeovers, and the fragile ecosystem of moisturizers and manners.
Any similarity to actual rashes, legal strategies, or fragrance lines is purely coincidental—and medically hilarious.
We’re also mocking the fact that only the most absurd, outrageous, or glossy stories seem to go viral. If you’re reading this because “Diddy Trial” caught your eye, thank you for proving our point.
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As the Diddy trial winds down, one bizarre rumor rises: has a lack of baby oil made Diddy polite?
On June 24, 2025, when the judge asked how he was doing after the prosecution rested its case, Diddy responded, “I’m doing great, your honor.” Then he voluntarily added, “I want to tell you thank you, you’re doing an excellent job.”
That unsolicited burst of courtroom gratitude reportedly drew laughter from U.S. District Judge Arun Subramanian—and raised eyebrows across the internet.
Now, in today’s most unexpected development from the Diddy trial, courtroom gossip has turned clinical.
Rumors of a rare condition—dubbed The Civility Itch—have begun circulating, prompting questions about baby oil deprivation, rebranding efforts, and whether politeness is contagious behind bars.
Sandy: First, we gave you the 1475 Royal Peek-Off in The Calendar of Malarkey. Now, we bring you a story so slippery, so unconfirmed, so hypothetically moist—we had to investigate.
Unverified reports out of the Diddy trial suggest the mogul has developed what witnesses are calling “The Civility Itch.”
Symptoms allegedly include sudden politeness, unprompted apologies, and—most disturbingly—genuine respect for women.
Polly: Sources close to the scented situation claim the itch began when Diddy was denied access to any baby oil for an extended period of time—marking the longest he’s gone without lubrication since 1997.
Sandy: A prison staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity and a couple of candy bars, described Diddy as “less arrogant, more… herbal.”
Another witness said they saw him asking how someone’s day was going. No demands. No offers to make it rain. Just sincere, small-talk level empathy.
Polly: Listen, Sandy—I believe in personal growth. But not unsupervised growth. This isn’t just a rash. It’s a rebrand.
I think this whole Diddy trial is part of a multi-phase PR campaign designed to launch a new product:
> 🧴 Civility by Combs™ – With Aloe for Accountability
Tagline: “Rub it in. Own it. Apologize.”
Sandy: I don’t know what’s worse—the fact that you might be right or the fact that I can already see the ad campaign.
Black and white footage. Slow jazz. Diddy in a robe, whispering, “My past was rough. But now I glide.”
Polly: Exactly. He doesn’t need an acquittal. He needs a redemption arc with moisturizer. Picture it:
Day One: Respect rash
Day Four: Courtroom bow to the judge
Day Seven: Announcement of a mentorship program for men who’ve been over-exfoliated by fame
Sandy: Meanwhile, back in reality of the Diddy trial, we still don’t have a medical explanation for the so-called Civility Itch.
Some dermatologists we didn’t speak to suggest it could be psychological. Others blame withdrawal from high-gloss living.
Polly: Or it’s something even worse: public relations-induced dermatitis.
You itch, you spin, you pivot toward healing—until the truth of the Diddy trial flakes off in tiny shavings of plausible deniability.
Sandy: If true, Diddy wouldn’t be the first celebrity to experience behavioral shifts due to cosmetic scarcity.
Remember the Hand Lotion Apology Tour of 2013? Or the Coconut Oil Regret Summit held quietly in a Whole Foods parking lot?
Polly: Legend says Drake once wept for forty minutes after running out of beard balm. I’m just saying—it’s happened before. Moisture is emotional.
Sandy: And that’s today’s culture in a tub: If you can’t spin the headline, at least gloss it up with botanicals.
Whether this is a legitimate skin condition or just an attempt to pivot from the Diddy trial scandal to skincare—one thing’s for sure.
Polly: We are this close to a Diddy-hosted TED Talk called “Respect, Rashes, and Reform: My Journey Through Aloe.”
Sandy: And when that drops, you’ll hear it here first. Right after we moisturize.
Final Note:
Whether or not the Diddy trial ends in acquittal or a product launch, one thing is clear: Civility is trending. And baby oil might be the most powerful influencer of them all.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
