The Captivating DIY Card Game: Hatch Your Own Hostile Takeover! – Dana and Max #6
The following article is a work of satire. No actual media companies were devalued in the making of this DIY card game — unless you count our own self-esteem. All characters, corporate memos, and hostile takeovers are fictionalized for comedic and creative purposes. Any resemblance to real memos, management styles, or shady executives is purely coincidental… and probably worth investigating.
MAX: They say if you love something, let it go.
Well, around here, we love Informer.Digital — and someone’s trying to let it go right into a fire sale.
DANA: The rumors are everywhere. There’s talk of secret buyers, shadow memos, and a company valuation that’s… well, let’s just say we’ve seen donuts with higher worth.
MAX: Half-eaten donuts. From the intern fridge.
DANA: So naturally, we did what anyone would do in a media office under siege: we turned it into a DIY card game.
MAX: That’s right! Welcome to The DIY Card Game to Hatch Your Own Hostile Takeover. You can play at your own kitchen table, break room, or emotionally fragile startup. All you need is a standard deck of 54 cards and a sense of corporate dread.
HOW TO PLAY (Because You’re Already Living It):
DANA: Here’s the setup. You’re a shady executive trying to devalue a company just enough to buy it out. Your goal? Lower the company’s public relations and financial standing until it’s weak enough to pounce.
MAX: Which sounds suspiciously like what’s happening around here. Coincidence?
(awkward pause)
Anyway, in our DIY card game, every card suits a function:
Hearts = Public Relations. You can only take over the company if your PR is 6 or less. Spades (investigations) and Aces (leaked scandals) reduce Hearts.
Diamonds = Finance. Must be 5 or less to qualify. Clubs (sabotage) and Jokers (fake memos) reduce Diamonds.
Clubs = Sabotage. Use them to slash financial credibility.
Spades = Investigations. Bad press, public scandals — reduce that glowing rep.
Aces = Leaked Scandals. Drop one and boom — two points off your PR score.
Jokers = Fake Memos. These are wild sabotage bombs worth two clubs each.
Face Cards (J, Q, K): “Executive Shakeups.” Everyone passes a card face down to the right. It’s panic disguised as teamwork.
DANA: The game ends when someone meets the takeover conditions — PR of 6 or less, finances of 5 or less — and survives a final round of sabotage attempts from other players.
MAX: Just like real life: if you’re not tanked by gossip or a memo dump, you win the company! You also inherit a flickering Keurig, a wobbly chair, and our entire unpaid podcast department.
DANA: Speaking of memos, we forgot one rule: the latest company directive states, and I quote — “We are no longer journalists dabbling in drama. We are dramatists dabbling in truth.”
MAX: “Your truth is whatever the memo says it is.”
That’s not in the rulebook, but we figured we’d keep this DIY card game grounded in reality — so we left that rule out.
DANA: For now.
MAX: So if you’re feeling the tension at work, or you’ve ever wanted to simulate a corporate collapse without actual legal risk, fire up this DIY card game. It’s low-budget, high-paranoia fun for the whole team.
DANA: And if you win? Congrats — you’re the new CEO of Informer.Digital. We’ll send you the password to the supply closet. Maybe.
All you need is a deck of cards and a little creative sabotage.
This DIY card game is satire, stress relief, and strategy — all in one.
And if someone does buy us out for a donut… at least we called it first.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
