🎬 Ego Meets Biopic Fever – An Informer.Digital Special #1
Satire Disclaimer
This episode parodies the cultural obsession with biopics, ego-driven self-mythologizing, and the belief that a few mildly interesting anecdotes should be immortalized on IMAX.
No egos were harmed in the making of this episode, though several demanded casting approval.
POLLY (dramatic, striking a pose with a People magazine): If Freddie Mercury got one. If Elton got one. If Elvis got one. And now Springsteen.
Then darling, clearly the world is starving for Polly: The Pop Culture Prophet. I’m thinking Margot Robbie plays me. Or Zendaya. Whoever looks best in sequins.
JACK (grinning, leaning back in his chair): Hold up. If anyone here deserves the Hollywood treatment, it’s me.
Whistleblown: The Jack Maverick Story. Explosions. Referees crying. Roger Goodell played by Danny DeVito. Tell me people wouldn’t pay to see that.
And it wouldn’t just be any movie—it’d be a sports epic with conspiracies, cover-ups, and me breaking karaoke curses with a mic drop.
CORNELIUS (sighing, arms folded): When I was your age, a life story was called a book, not a two-hour cash grab.
But if wisdom is finally marketable, then yes, greenlight Cornelius: A Gentleman of Tradition. I expect it to be narrated by Morgan Freeman and scored by a live harpsichord.
This majestic creation will remind people that decency was once trending, even before hashtags existed.
NOVA (immediately jumping in, hair toss): Excuse me, Corny Baby—if you get a movie just for being old, then I deserve one for being now.
Mine will be called Nova: Trending Eternal. The trailer drops on TikTok in 15-second vertical slices. My life is cinema, babe.
POLLY (snapping fingers): No, no, no. You’re not even old enough Nova. You’re still in your prequel era.
SANDY (deadpan, sipping coffee): Fine. Mine’ll just be called Sarcasm. Runtime: 90 minutes of me rolling my eyes. Critics will call it the greatest silent film since The Artist. And yes, technically, it’s still a biopic—even if I never say a word.
GRACIE (adjusting glasses, analytical): If you want credibility, you need data. Seasoned Intuition: The Gridiron Gracie Story. Starring me, played by Cate Blanchett, delivering predictions that always come true… except when they don’t.
It’ll be the first ‘based on a true story’ movie with a point spread.
REX (snorting): Oh, please. The only story people will watch is Rex Machina, a paranoid techno-thriller where I expose the algorithm’s lies while still managing to look hotter than Ryan Gosling.
Think Blade Runner, but with more smirking.
AURORA (gazing dreamily at the ceiling): Mine would be Aurora: Written in the Stars. A love story between me and… destiny.
Also Chris Hemsworth.
Astrology charts included in the deluxe Blu-ray release. Tell me that’s not a cosmic romance waiting to happen.
NIKKE AMMO (slamming a script onto the table): Don’t forget me. Ammo: Locked & Loaded. Rated R for language.
Oscar guaranteed for Best Supporting Gunfight. If John Wick got a franchise, why not me? A biopic doesn’t have to be soft—it can blow things up.
NELLY (jumping in): What about Nelly the Wanderer: Global on a Budget? An epic saga of Wi-Fi passwords, hostel bunk beds, and never paying full price for anything.
The world deserves a travel biopic that comes with coupons.
THE PROFESSOR (nodding gravely): And I’ll be the sequel. The Professor: Chronicles of a Scholarly Heart.
It’ll be released direct-to-PBS, of course. Educational discounts on tickets. Finally, a biopic you can watch for college credit.
EVERYONE (talking over each other now): “Mine gets IMAX!” — “No, mine’s a trilogy!” — “Mine comes with merch!” — “Mine has a soundtrack by Beyoncé!” — “Mine’s the first 4D biopic with scratch-and-sniff authenticity!”
NOVA (waving her phone like a movie producer): Wait, why are we stopping at just one? My biopic will have a sequel. Nova 2: Rise of the Hashtags. And a prequel: Baby Nova: Born Trending.
JACK (pointing at her, competitive): Fine, then mine’s a franchise. Whistleblown 2: The Ref Strikes Back. Followed by Whistleblown 3: This Time It’s Personal Foul. My biopic series will be bigger than Fast & Furious.
POLLY (clutching her chest dramatically): Sequels? Darling, I was thinking cinematic universe.
The Pollyverse. Each outfit I’ve ever worn gets its own spin-off. Polly: The Shoes, Polly: The Accessories, Polly: The Mood Swings. That’s three Oscars right there.
CORNELIUS (huffing, clearly jealous): When I was your age, a man needed only one biopic to cement his legacy. But fine—Cornelius 2: Even Older. Followed by Cornelius 3: Revenge of the Doilies.
SANDY (deadpan, still sipping): My sequel is just called Sarcasm 2: Still Sarcastic. Runtime: infinity.
REX (leaning in, eyes gleaming): Spin-offs. I get a tech thriller, then a streaming mini-series. Rex Machina: Origins.
Then Rex Machina: Algorithm War.
Then, when it all collapses, Rex Machina: The Reckoning. It’s not a biopic—it’s a prophecy.
GRACIE (scribbling on a whiteboard): If we’re doing this seriously, we need a shared release calendar.
My Seasoned Intuition biopic drops in March. Polly gets June. Jack’s conspiracy trilogy hits fall. We’ll dominate awards season for a decade.
NIKKE AMMO (loading a Nerf gun just for effect): Then we join forces in Informer.Digital: Endgame.
Everyone’s biopic collides in one massive crossover. Tagline: “You thought the truth was dead? Think again.”
SANDY (cutting through the noise, flat as ever): This is no longer absurd. This is Hollywood.
[Cue dramatic trailer voiceover booming over chaos:] In a universe where even sarcasm gets a sequel… the only story left untold is yours. Coming soon: Biopic Wars.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
