As we step into another year filled with the promise of new beginnings and the crowning of a new Grand Poobah, it’s time to reflect on the pearls of wisdom that shape our lives.
Some might turn to great leaders for guidance, but if you’re anything like me, you’ve realized the most profound advice doesn’t come from politicians, CEOs, or even the coordinator of your neighborhood potluck.
No, it comes from the humble fortune cookie.
Let’s be honest: over the years, I’ve gleaned better advice from those crispy crescents of wisdom than from any head of state or yoga group facilitator.
Whether you’re swearing in a new president, electing a board game group master of ceremonies, or simply looking for direction at a crossroads, fortune cookies have you covered.
Here’s proof, straight from the archives of my last Chinese takeout order:
1. “Be the labor great or small, do it well or not at all.”
Ever wonder why leaders spend so much time explaining their half-baked decisions? Maybe they should have just followed this advice instead of winging it with poorly planned initiatives and overly complicated PowerPoint slides.
2. “Today’s action becomes tomorrow’s habit.”
Whether you’re passing legislation or deciding what casserole to bring to the potluck, this is a good reminder: if you keep messing things up, don’t be surprised when it becomes your legacy.
3. “A great honor will be bestowed upon you within the coming year.”
Sure, they swore you in as president, but is it really as great as finally being the one to open the last bag of chips at game night?
4. “Sometimes a stranger can bring great meaning to your life.”
Like the stranger who vetoes your suggestion of Monopoly for the group game and instead introduces something wild like Exploding Kittens. This is the real hero we need.
5. “You may be hungry soon. Order a takeout now.”
Let’s see… planning ahead—what a novel concept. I wonder how many leaders have ever stumbled upon that idea?
6. “Honor yourself, and others will honor you too.”
Translation: Stop blaming the other person! Take responsibility, and maybe people will stop making memes about you.
Why Fortune Cookies Are Better Leaders Than Leaders
When you think about it, fortune cookies are the ideal leaders. They’re concise, insightful, and know when to stop talking.
Unlike certain “inspirational” speeches that drag on for hours, a fortune cookie delivers its wisdom in under eight seconds. “Emotion is energy in motion” Talk about respecting your time!
And honestly, if you’re someone who believes the California fires were set by covert energy weapons to help Diddy destroy evidence or part of a globalist plot to wage economic warfare and trigger total collapse, why can’t you believe that a fortune cookie would make a good leader?
In fact, compared to some of the conspiracy theories out there, trusting a fortune cookie’s wisdom might just be the sanest decision you’ll make all year.