💼 Dominate the Ruthless Underworld for Under $5—A Gangster Game You Can Play with Cards and Dice – DIY Dana & Max #8
Satire Disclaimer
The following article features satirical characters discussing a very real DIY card-and-dice game. Dana and Max are fictional personalities created to make you laugh—but the gangster game they’re describing? That part’s real, playable, and genuinely fun.
As always, we’re here to parody modern media, exaggerated expertise, and the flood of opinion-based content that treats confidence like credibility.
If you’ve ever taken advice from someone just because they “sounded right,” trust us—we have too. That’s why we wrote this.
We’re laughing at ourselves right alongside you. That’s the point.
🎬 Inspired by Nelly and the Professor’s recent journey into America’s love affair with gangster films—from The Godfather to Boardwalk Empire—we knew it was time for something a little more… hands-on.
If you’ve ever dreamed of ruling 1920s Chicago like Al Capone, this DIY gangster game lets you do it on a budget that even bootleggers would respect.
Dana (sipping coffee and side-eying Max): So Nelly and the Professor talk about gangster movies for fifteen minutes and suddenly we have dice, a deck of cards, and Max in a pinstripe vest he made out of a tote bag.
Max (grinning with a fake cigar in his mouth): Don’t hate the player, Dana. Hate the underground economy I now control.
Dana: And yet you can’t control your impulse to narrate every move like a 1940s newsreel.
Max (announcer voice): “Extra! Extra! Woman rolls a six, hires a henchman, and takes the South Side!”
🎯 OBJECTIVE
Take over 1920s Chicago in true gangster fashion. You’ll expand your territory, hire henchmen, eliminate rivals, and use bribes and back-alley deals to outmaneuver your enemies. First to dominate—or outscore—wins the city.
🎲 GAME COMPONENTS
Five 6-sided dice
Standard 54-card deck (Jokers included)
Paper and pen for keeping score
Optional props: Jazz playlist, trench coat, fake mustache, and an over-the-top Chicago accent
🛠️ SETUP
Shuffle the deck.
Deal 3 cards to each player.
Jacks, Queens, or Kings are Free Territories and played face up.
All other cards remain hidden.
Each player begins with 1 henchman.
Decide who goes first (roll dice, flip a coin, or threaten someone—like a real gangster).
🔁 ON YOUR TURN: CHOOSE ONE ACTION
1. Hire a Henchman
Roll 1 die:
Roll a 4, 5, or 6: Hire one henchman for free.
Roll a 1, 2, or 3: Pay $5 (money card total) to hire.
Max 5 henchmen per player.
2. Draw and Play a Card
Flip the top card of the deck:
Money (2–10): Add it to your hand.
Territory (J, Q, K):
Jack = $10, Queen = $15, King = $20
Pay from your hand. If you can’t pay, shuffle it back into the deck.
If paid, play face up and assign at least 1 henchman to defend it.
Hit Man (Ace): Add to hand. Can be used immediately or later.
Joker: Trigger wild events (see below).
💥 CARD EFFECTS
Territories (J, Q, K)
Must have at least 1 henchman assigned.
Undefended territories can be taken without battle.
Hit Men (Aces)
Discard to eliminate 1 opponent henchman.
Jokers
Red Joker (Police Raid): Choose a rival. They lose a territory unless they pay a $50 bribe (money goes into discard).
Black Joker (Mob Attack): Steal a rival’s territory instantly—unless they bribe you $50.
Money (2–10)
Use to purchase territories or pay bribes. Keep cards hidden.
🔫 BATTLES
To attack a rival’s territory:
1. Each player rolls one die per henchman.
2. Highest single die wins. Defender wins ties.
3. If attacker wins: they take the territory.
4. If attacker loses: they lose a henchman.
🧠 HAND LIMIT
You may only hold 5 cards at the end of your turn.
Use or discard extras before passing your turn.
Discard pile is reshuffled when the deck runs out.
🏁 ENDGAME
The game ends when:
A player controls all 12 territories, or
The deck runs out.
Scoring:
Jack = 5 pts
Queen = 10 pts
King = 15 pts
Henchman = 2 pts
Money cards = 1 pt per dollar
Highest score wins.
Dana: So we built an entire gangster empire using nothing but a deck of cards, five dice, and two cups of coffee. I’d say that’s peak DIY.
Max: And no one even got whacked with a ruler. Though Dana did accuse me of money laundering when I shuffled too aggressively.
Dana: Just remember folks: If your kitchen table starts to feel like a speakeasy, you’re playing it right.
Bonus Challenge:
Quote a gangster movie correctly? Draw an extra card.
Misquote one? Lose a henchman.
“Say hello to my little—wait, wrong era.”
Max (nodding solemnly): You either go out with points, or you go out with flair. Just like the movies.
Dana: And unlike real gangsters, you can do this without jail time or jazz-induced betrayal. You’re welcome.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
