Gracie and Jack’s MLS Smackdown: Week 4 Results, Bold Picks, and One Smug I-Told-You-So

Gracie and Jack’s MLS Smackdown: Week 4 Results, Bold Picks, and One Smug I-Told-You-So

 

Gracie (grinning):

 

Welcome to an extended edition of our show today—so much great sports action, we had to break it into three segments just to fit it all in.

 

We’re starting with MLS Week 4 results, and I hope you’re sitting down, because someone here had a pretty good week in the MLS—and spoiler alert: it wasn’t Jack.

 

Jack (mock offended):

 

Oh, come on, Gracie. I had some near-misses! A Latte Lath goal! A Philly win! Pure Maverick magic if you ask me.

 

Gracie:

 

Maverick magic? Jack, you predicted chaos and got… mostly draws and disciplined defense. Probably the same response you get from Polly after singing karaoke.

 

Let’s go match by match, and I’ll try not to gloat too hard—for your sake and for the MLS faithful out there.

 

FC Cincinnati 2–2 Atlanta United

 

Jack:

 

Let me kick things off. I had Atlanta winning 4–1, led by a Latte Lath hat trick. And he did score, so technically I wasn’t completely wrong.

Gracie:

 

No Jack the cabbage soup diet wasn’t completely wrong. You on the other hand had them blowing the doors off Cincy. Instead, Cincy came back with two late goals, and it ended in a draw.

 

I picked Cincinnati to win 2–1, so while I didn’t get the score right, I was closer than your fantasy novel of a prediction.

 

Jack:

 

Okay, okay. You win this one. Latte still looked sharp, though.

 

Minnesota United 2–2 LA Galaxy

 

Gracie:

 

I picked Minnesota, and they delivered… halfway. Kelvin Yeboah scored twice—just like I predicted.

 

Jack:

 

And yet… they still didn’t win. That’s gotta sting.

 

Gracie:

 

Not really. When a player you highlight as your MVP actually shows up like Yeboah did, it means your read on the match was solid. The beauty of MLS is that even the best predictions still end in chaos.

 

What did you predict again?  I think it went something like ‘An MLS shocker. Galaxy by some ridiculous Miracle 1-0’. And the final was?

 

Jack:

 

A draw. With some decent Galaxy goals. I’m calling this one a tie—for us, not the teams.

 

Columbus Crew 0–0 New York City FC

 

Jack:

 

This was supposed to be the match where NYCFC pulled off a gritty win. I said they’d do it with 10 men, and instead they played like they were missing 11.

 

Gracie:

 

I picked a Columbus win, and I still feel robbed. Schulte in goal for Columbus was the only one who seemed awake.

 

We both struck out here, but I’ll give you style points for the most creative way to be completely wrong.

 

Jack:

 

I will take the creativity trophy, Gracie.

 

Philadelphia Union 1–0 St. Louis City SC

 

Gracie:

 

This one hurt. I called for a 1–1 draw, and Philly edged it with a clinical finish.

 

Jack:

 

That’s right! I had Philly winning 3–0. They didn’t score three, but a win’s a win, and I’m taking credit.

Gracie:

 

Fine. You get this one. Don’t let it go to your head.

 

Nashville SC 3–0 CF Montréal

 

Jack:

 

Let me just admit it—I picked Montréal. Why? I don’t even know anymore.

 

Gracie:

 

I believe you predicted an inspirational halftime speech from their coach. Were you watching Kurt Russell in ‘Miracle’ recently? 

 

Plus, you went against Hany Mukhtar? That’s MLS blasphemy!

 

He ran the match with a goal and assist. This was my Lock of the Week, and it came through strong.

 

Jack:

 

Remind me not to bet against your locks next time. That one was brutal.

 

LAFC 2–0 Sporting Kansas City

 

Gracie:

 

I had LAFC winning. You had KC stealing it with a red card prediction in the 70th minute and I think there may have been a magic spell prediction that included stunt driving.

 

Jack:

 

I was trying to spice things up. Sue me.

Gracie:

 

Spice things up? Next time try A recipe that doesn’t require a hazmat suit.

 

LAFC got it done clean. Bouanga scored, the midfield looked sharp, and they dominated the pace. Another classic MLS showdown where talent met tactics.

 

Houston Dynamo 0–0 Seattle Sounders

 

Jack:

 

This match was the human equivalent of holding down the snooze button.

 

Gracie:

 

We both picked Seattle. They had chances but couldn’t finish. Props to both keepers for putting on a show, though.

 

Jack:

 

Or… apologies to everyone who stayed awake for 90 minutes hoping for goals. Sometimes MLS giveth, sometimes MLS taketh away.

 

Gracie:

 

So, tallying it up—between the two of us:

 

I nailed Nashville, LAFC, Minnesota’s key player, and came so close to that Cincinnati win.

 

You got Philly right and also wrote some magnificent fantasy that you may be able to sell to anyone writing a new variation of ‘Lord of the Rings’.

 

Jack:

 

So basically what you’re saying is: I brought the entertainment, and you brought the results.

 

Gracie:

 

That’s one way to put it. Another is to say I brought results, you brought chaos, confusion and a gentle reminder why MLS stats exist.

 

Jack:

 

Gracie, when are you going to remember, style is always more important than stats.

 

Gracie (smirking):

 

Coming up in our next segment, we’re trading goals for gears. It’s time to hit the track and break down this week’s NASCAR drama, where Jack’s predictions keep spinning out faster than a loose lug nut.