I Love When Today’s Young Critics Educate Us!
Isn’t it just delightful when someone who barely remembers a world without smartphones decides they’re the ultimate authority on what the greatest war movies of the 20th century are?
I mean, who needs decades of experience, knowledge, and context when you can just Google “best war movies”, write your listicle and call it a day? Clearly, these young cinephiles have seen a few of the classics—at least in GIF form—and are more than qualified to tell us all what’s what.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the stunning oversight in these expertly curated lists.
Because why would you bother with a little film like Casablanca (1942)? It’s only one of the most iconic movies ever made, blending romance, patriotism, and a freakin World War into a narrative that’s still as powerful today as it was when it first hit theaters. But no, clearly Casablanca doesn’t stand up to whatever CGI-laden spectacle they saw last Tuesday.
And who needs The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) when you’ve got endless explosions and video game-like battle scenes?
Never mind the masterful exploration of obsession and honor or the gripping story that questions the cost of duty.
I’m sure those who compiled these lists were just too busy deciding which Marvel movie had the best post-credits scene to consider such trivial matters.
The Caine Mutiny (1954)? Why bother with a film that delves into the complexities of leadership and morality during wartime when you can watch something with, I don’t know, superheroes battling aliens?
Humphrey Bogart’s stellar performance? Yawn. Give us more unrealistic CGI and less depth, right?
Of course, Stalag 17 (1953) with its unique blend of drama and dark humor, showing the survival and suspicion in a POW camp, was obviously just too subtle for these modern experts.
If it doesn’t come with a snazzy trailer and a catchy soundtrack, it probably didn’t even cross their minds.
I can just hear the conversation now: “The Great Escape (1963)?
What’s that?
Oh, it’s only one of the most thrilling WWII escape stories ever told, with a star-studded cast and a plot that keeps you on the edge of your seat? Nah, let’s skip that. It’s not like it’s been inspiring filmmakers and audiences for decades or anything.”
And why would we need The Guns of Navarone (1961) or Where Eagles Dare (1968)? High-stakes action, strong ensemble casts, daring missions behind enemy lines—boring!
Clearly, the youth of today have moved on to more complex narratives… like who kissed who at the end of the latest teen drama.
Don’t even get me started on Kelly’s Heroes (1970). A fun and unconventional war film that mixes humor with action? Why would anyone care about that when there’s a new dystopian YA novel adaptation out?
I suppose it’s too much to ask for Platoon (1986) to make the cut. An intense and visceral portrayal of the Vietnam War? Pfft. Everyone knows that real war movies have at least ten different camera angles of each explosion, right?
And heaven forbid anyone should consider Uncommon Valor (1983), a gripping tale of camaraderie and courage. Because let’s be honest, the only thing today’s lists care about is whether the special effects are good enough to watch on their phone screen during lunch.
Finally, who needs Braveheart (1995)? Oh, that’s right—we all do. For one, it delivers some of the most epic and sweeping battle scenes ever captured on film, making you feel every clash of swords and charge into the fray.
Secondly, the passionate storytelling and unforgettable speeches, like the one where William Wallace rallies his troops for freedom, are enough to stir even the coldest of hearts.
And let’s not forget Mel Gibson’s portrayal of Wallace, a performance so intense and fiery that it’s become synonymous with cinematic heroism. Braveheart isn’t just a war movie; it’s a full-blown experience that leaves you breathless every time.
So here’s to the new generation of war movie critics, who have taught us all a valuable lesson: you don’t need to actually know anything about the subject.
Just throw together a few flashy titles, ignore the true classics, and voila! You’re officially an expert. Keep up the good work, kids. I’m sure history won’t judge you too harshly.
