Are the Happiest Cities in America Written in the Stars? Aurora & Rex: The Captivating Cosmic Debate #2
This segment is a work of satire. Aurora may genuinely believe Mercury is why your houseplants died, and Rex still argues with his horoscope like it owes him rent. Please enjoy responsibly.
AURORA: Let’s talk about joy—radiant, cosmic, life-altering joy.
According to Fortune Magazine, the ten happiest cities in America include Fremont, San Jose, Irvine, and Huntington Beach—all in California.
Clearly, the universe is favoring the Golden State. Probably Jupiter.
REX: Or maybe they’re some of the happiest cities because of the actual sun. You know, the big fiery ball in the sky that makes people happy.
Vitamin D, good weather, and beach access… that’s not astrology, that’s just living well.
AURORA: Oh Rex, you adorable realist. You really think sunshine alone explains why Fremont tops the list of the happiest cities with the lowest separation and divorce rates in the country?
When Venus transits harmoniously through a region’s natal chart—yes, cities have charts too—it fosters love, stability, and community.
REX: Cities have natal charts now? Great. Next thing I know you’re going to tell me Overland Park, Kansas is smiling more because of its rising moon in corn.
AURORA: Funny you should mention Overland Park. Ranked 5 on the list of happiest cities. Overland Park boasts excellent emotional and physical well-being.
That screams a strong Moon-Jupiter alignment—empathy meets optimism.
Probably explains why people there greet you with heartfelt eye contact and a gluten-free muffin.
REX: Or maybe it’s because they’ve got low crime, good schools, and affordable housing.
You know—boring things that make a place livable. Not everything is because Neptune got moody.
AURORA: And yet, all these cities form a fascinating geographic cluster. Fremont, San Jose, Irvine, Huntington Beach… all in a short cosmic arc.
There’s energy there. Ley lines. The happiest cities have lunar ley lines.
REX: You’ve just made that up.
AURORA: Have you been to Madison, Wisconsin? Number 7. Overflowing with Aquarius vibes.
Progressive, intellectual, free-spirited. Like a group project that actually worked.
Unlike our last team meeting where everyone just read off the same memo like Stepford interns.
REX: Uh oh. Here we go.
AURORA: If I hear the phrase “dramatists dabbling in truth” one more time, I’m going to pull a Scorpio full moon and disappear into the mist.
REX: Aurora are you okay Sweetheart?
AURORA: If we modeled Informer.Digital after the happiest cities—leaned into joy, balance, and, dare I say, alignment—we wouldn’t be trying to figure out who’s leaking internal memos or reusing the same Keurig pod six times to cut costs.
REX: Okay, you need to vent. Just go ahead, let it out baby!
AURORA: We’d be too busy smiling and not getting bought out for the price of a half-eaten granola bar and yesterday’s coffee grounds.
REX: Actually, we shared the last granola bar yesterday.
AURORA: Exactly! Take Lincoln, Nebraska—#6 on the list. Happy, balanced, steady.
Probably has plenty of granola bars! That’s a Saturn-ruled city.
Imagine if we had that. A workplace built on structure and trust, instead of vague Slack messages, secret executive meetings, and “suggested opinions.”
REX: The memo does say “suggested opinions”. I guess we can still form our own. For now.
AURORA: Or Scottsdale, Arizona. Number 8. Sure, it’s dry, but the people know how to live. Hydration, meditation, manifestation.
Maybe that’s what we need here: less suspicion, more sage smudging and a couple waters in the breakroom fridge.
REX: That’s it, my cosmic queen. Just purge the vibes.
AURORA: Let’s start with a crystal grid in the breakroom and see if we can manifest a functional coffee budget.
And maybe a HR policy that doesn’t read like it was ghostwritten by a rejected soap opera villain.
REX: Keep going Aurora. This is a safe place for you to let it all out.
AURORA: If we had even half the alignment as Fremont, I’d be less worried about the shadow buyer lurking in the server room and more focused on finding my Zen in editorial bliss.
REX: You think the shadow buyer’s in the server room?
AURORA: They’re definitely not in HR—someone would’ve saged them out by now.
REX: Well, until then, I say we take a page from the happiest cities. Whether it’s cosmic or practical, a little joy could go a long way around here.
AURORA: Amen. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to realign our snack shelf with the rising moon in Virgo.
REX: I’m going to check that area first and just make sure there’s no sharp objects. And maybe see if the last coffee pod’s had enough of this place too.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
