Hilarious Office Budget Cuts Exposed: The Donut, the Ring Light, and the Truth – Wacky Benny Reports #5
Disclaimer: The following program is brought to you by Wacky Benny’s Late Lunch Conspiracy Hour, which is now only 12 minutes long due to office budget cuts aka “resource harmony.” Viewer discretion is advised. Mostly for confusion.
BENNY (staring straight into the camera, lit unevenly from the left):
What if I told you a single donut…a missing green screen…and one very sweaty ring light…are the keys to exposing a corporate conspiracy?
Welcome to The Donut, the Ring Light, and the Truth. I’m Wacky Benny, and today, we confront something even more dangerous than expired creamer in the breakroom fridge: office budget cuts disguised as a “Q2 Strategic Resource Reallocation & Cost Harmony Plan.”
(He holds up the memo, now crinkled and partially highlighted with what appears to be lipstick.)
This memo—this majestic, cost-efficient scroll of doom—was delivered to every show host at Informer.Digital.
You may have heard whispers.
But nobody’s really talking about it.
Until now.
(He begins to read dramatically.)
“One ring light remains. Please limit usage to 15 minutes per appearance.”
Translation: If you don’t glow fast, you don’t glow at all.
“Green screen currently missing.”
What kind of media empire loses its own background? This isn’t a dorm room. This is journalism.
“Cupcakes replaced with one community donut.”
Oh yes, my friends. We have entered the era of donut austerity. Office budget cuts means No Birthday Cakes! Just one donut with many birthdays. Slice accordingly. And no, there is no cake alternative. There is only glaze and sadness.
“Makeup drawer locked due to contouring disputes.”
Max and Polly—this is on you. But let’s move on before I get emotional.
And here’s the kicker: office chairs now come in two models—’full support’ and “foldable character-building.” I am currently seated on a chair that can only be described as “existential.”
Now, I asked myself…why would Informer.Digital, a global powerhouse in niche satire and zodiac-fueled movie criticism, suddenly fall into a pit of tape-reinforced microphones and donut diplomacy?
Simple.
Someone’s trying to devalue the company.
This isn’t just office budget cuts. This is a buyout setup.
Step 1: Slash expenses.
Step 2: Undermine morale.
Step 3: Look weak on paper.
Step 4: BAM! Mystery investor swoops in to “rescue” us by purchasing the company for the cost of that one donut.
You think I’m exaggerating? That’s what they said when I exposed the Lizard People from the Fake Moon Landing behind Casual Flat Earth Friday.
But this?
This is different.
These office budget cuts are strategic. Calculated. Sinister in their subtlety. They’re not just trimming fat—they’re shaving the whole burrito.
Think about it—who benefits when we all sound like we’re whispering through a paper towel tube?
Who’s hoarding the good mic in their desk drawer, Nestor?
Who profits from eyeliner shortages and birthday despair?
I’m not saying it’s Randy.
I’m not saying it’s Aurora.
But I’m not not saying that, either.
Could it be Jack, with his karaoke-induced spiral into chaos?
Could it be Polly, who mysteriously stopped contouring right before the drawer was locked?
What about Sandy, who calmly sips cocoa like a Bond villain in a cozy sweater?
Or Max—always first to the green screen, last to admit guilt?
And let’s not forget the intern, Orion. Nobody’s seen him. Nobody’s heard him. But somehow, he has keycard access and suspiciously perfect hair.
All I’m saying is this: These office budget cuts don’t feel like just another “cost harmony” phase. They feel like the opening act of a hostile takeover.
When you find yourself holding half a donut and standing on a wobble stool under a dying ring light—look around.
The enemy might be closer than you think.
Especially if they’re quietly benefiting from these office budget cuts while the rest of us suffer.
Because this network?
This empire of satire?
It didn’t fall because of content.
It fell because someone cut the mic, dimmed the light, and sliced the donut.
This has been Wacky Benny. Stay suspicious. Stay seated. And if your chair breaks… document everything.
Disclaimer: The preceding segment is a work of satire. No donuts were harmed in the making of this investigation. All accusations are entirely fictional, unless proven true at a later date—at which point Wacky Benny reserves the right to say “I told you so” while sitting on a broken folding chair.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
