Aren’t we all just thrilled that Hollywood keeps reminding us what perfection should look like?
I mean, who really wants to grow old gracefully and naturally? What kind of entertainment value does that hold?
Zero!
Where’s the fun in seeing a face that, you know, moves when you talk? Or those ridiculous little things called wrinkles that show you’ve lived a life with actual experiences?
I, for one, am so glad that Hollywood’s got our backs, pumping out these unattainable images of youth, smooth skin, and zero body fat, so that when we glance in the mirror each morning, we can immediately feel the joy of disappointment.
Who needs self-confidence when you can have unattainable goals instead?
Perfection, the Hollywood Way!
Why would we ever settle for simply being ourselves? That’s so 20th century. Thankfully, Hollywood is always innovating, keeping us mere mortals in line with the latest trends in body modification.
After all, who wouldn’t want to aim for perfection, even if it means becoming a walking, talking science experiment?
Take calf implants, for example. Forget those grueling hours at the gym!
Now, you can have calves that give you superhuman abilities—like leaping over cars and small buildings! Sure, you might waddle around like a penguin, but why not go for it?
Just imagine how convenient it would be to hop over traffic on your way to work. Totally practical.
Or how about reversible eyelids? Who wouldn’t want the ability to blink backwards and see the world from a “new perspective”? Why limit yourself to regular, boring blinking? Get that wide-eyed look that screams, “I’m perpetually surprised and confused by everything!” It’s the new chic.
And then there’s nostril enlargement—because, obviously, bigger nostrils mean more air!
Imagine the luxury of breathing in all the world’s beauty at once. Sure, you’ll look like you’re sniffing something suspicious 24/7, but hey, that’s just the price of breathing in perfection. Bigger nostrils, bigger life, right?
But Wait, There’s More!
In the age of social media, being able to scroll and text faster than anyone else is crucial for maintaining your online presence. Thankfully, celebrities have found a solution with thumb extensions!
Why settle for normal-sized thumbs when you could have thumbs of the future—designed to help you scroll through Instagram at warp speed?
Sure, you might struggle to hold a coffee cup ever again, but think of all the double-tapping you can do with those new-and-improved thumbs!
Passing It On – Let’s Share the Perfection!
Of course, this obsession with eternal youth and body perfection isn’t just for us adults; it’s great for our teenagers, too.
My 16-year-old daughter, for example, is already convinced she needs to use every anti-aging product on the market—because apparently, having flawless teenage skin isn’t enough anymore.
Who wouldn’t want to preemptively fight wrinkles at 16, right? Because heaven forbid she might look gasp 18 someday.
Here’s to More Impossible Expectations!
So, thank you, Hollywood, for always reminding us that nothing—nothing—is too extreme in the quest for perfection.
Whether it’s glow-in-the-dark teeth, reversed eyelids, or implanting jet-propulsion calves, I say, why not shoot for the stars?
I mean, who wouldn’t want to wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and think, “Well, I may not have jumped over a car today, but at least I’ve got nostrils fit for a king.”
Why grow old naturally when you can aim for an ever-elusive, non-existent ideal instead?
Stay fabulous! And keep chasing that Hollywood dream—one thumb extension at a time.
