Love, Lies, and Forbidden Sticky Buns
This Is A Special Broadcast of The Chemtrails of Desire Underground Report
Randy Freeborn: Gertie, I don’t know how to say this, but I think we’ve been looking at the wrong patterns. We thought the government was only using chemtrails, but after reading Wacky Benny’s latest exposé…
(voice drops to a husky whisper) I think sticky buns are bigger than we ever imagined.
Gertie Goldwater: Oh, Randy… Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Sticky Buns? Because you’re touching my soul.
Randy: That’s right, my fearless truth-seeker. It’s all connected. Curling. Sticky buns. Sword swallowing.
Three seemingly innocent “holidays,” but in reality? A carefully orchestrated psy-op designed to distract us while THEY finalize their most nefarious plan yet.
Gertie: Randy, my full heart is pounding! The swirling patterns in curling stones—just like the ones we saw in those suspicious cloud formations last week!
It’s all a form of hypnotic conditioning! And… and sticky buns? (her voice trembles, part fear, part passion) You mean they’re drugging us with sticky buns sugar to keep us compliant?
Randy: Exactly, my love. Sugar is just another tool of the deep state! Why do you think every so-called “comfort food” is packed with it?
THEY want us docile.
THEY want us licking cinnamon off our fingers instead of fighting for our sovereignty!
(Dramatic pause. The tension is palpable. The sounds of cinnamon fingers being licked fills the air.)
Gertie: (whispering) And the sword swallowers, Randy… what’s the connection?
Randy: (long pause) Distraction, Gertie. Pure distraction.
While we’re mesmerized by some guy defying death by shoving a blade down his throat, THEY are out there altering jet stream patterns with chemtrails! It’s sleight-of-hand, but on a global scale!
Gertie: (breathless) It’s so obvious now. Wacky Benny is right—we’ve been too focused on just the skies. The real war is happening everywhere.
In the air, on the ice, in our bakeries… in the very ingredients we trust!
Randy: Exactly! It starts with a sticky bun, but where does it end, Gertie? Where does it end? Today, it’s sugar-laced submission… tomorrow? We wake up in a world where truth itself is glazed over!
Gertie: (eyes widening) Randy… the glaze… It’s… reflective. Could… could they be using it to bounce signals?
Randy: (stunned) Gertie, you beautiful, paranoid genius! It’s all so clear now. We’ve been looking up when we should have been looking down.
Gertie: (whispering urgently) And the cinnamon, Randy… the spirals… what if those swirls aren’t just for flavor? What if they’re ancient symbols of control embedded into our food?
Randy: (gripping her hands) Gertie, we have to ask ourselves—how many times have we absentmindedly traced those swirls with our fingers before taking a bite?
THEY are training us to follow the patterns. And once we do… we become part of the machine.
Gertie: (shaky breath) I always thought I was just appreciating the craftsmanship. But you’re right. It was never just about the pastry.
Randy: No, my love. It was never just about the pastry.
(A thick silence. Somewhere, in the distance, a microwave beeps.)
Gertie: (whispering) The pastries are calling to us, Randy.
Randy: (haunted) They always have.
Gertie: And that’s why we had to launch this very broadcast. People need to know the truth about sticky buns. They need to open their eyes before it’s too late. We’re not just fighting for the truth anymore, Randy…
Randy: (gasping) We’re fighting for love.
(Silence. Heavy breathing. The static of the “pirate” radio feed crackles in the background.)
Randy: You really get me, Gertie.
Gertie: And you really get me, Randy.
(A deep exhale. The kind of exhale only two warriors of truth—and passion—can share.)
Randy: This is Randy Freeborn…
Gertie: And Gertie Goldwater…
Both: Signing off. And signing on to the truth.
(Cue dramatic theme music: something that sounds like a rejected X-Files score mixed with sultry saxophone.)
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
