MLS Showdown #1: Gracie and Jack with Bold Predictions, Seasoned Intuition, and Wild Upsets Await This Saturday!
Jack:
“You know, Gracie, I was all set to break down another weekend of Premier League action, but oh no—FIFA had to hit the pause button so everyone can play ‘Who Wants to Qualify for the World Cup?’ instead.”
Gracie:
“Jack, World Cup qualifying is kind of important. You know, determining which teams actually get to compete in the biggest tournament on the planet?”
Jack:
“Fine, fine. I’ll admit, it’s not all bad. It does give us a chance to shine a light on MLS while the European leagues take a breather. But if the U.S. ever wants to be taken seriously, we need more players making headlines in Europe, not just stateside!”
Gracie:
“Jack, you just set yourself up for disappointment. But let’s talk MLS, because there’s plenty of action to break down, and some of these teams are making serious noise.”
FC Cincinnati vs. Atlanta United FC (2:30 PM ET)
Jack:
“Cincinnati has been rock-solid defensively, but Atlanta is going to expose them. Latte Lath is about to score a hat trick, and then I’ll personally deliver him the MLS MVP award.”
Gracie:
“Jack, we’re three weeks into the season. You can’t just hand out awards because you like someone’s name.”
Jack:
“Mark my words, Gracie. Atlanta’s attack is too fast. They’re winning 4-1.”
Gracie:
“I’ll take Cincinnati with my ‘Seasoned Intuition’. Their defense holds strong, 2-1 win.”
Minnesota United vs. LA Galaxy (4:30 PM ET)
Jack:
“With Riqui Puig out, LA Galaxy will obviously turn to an unknown backup who will suddenly become a superstar. That’s how MLS works, right?”
Gracie:
“Jack, no, that’s not how soccer works. Minnesota has the midfield control to dominate this game. Galaxy struggles, Minnesota wins 2-0.”
Jack:
“I predict an MLS Shocker! Galaxy by some ridiculous miracle. 1-0.”
Columbus Crew vs. NYCFC (7:30 PM ET)
Jack:
“Oh, this is easy. NYCFC is going to get a red card in the first half, play with 10 men, and still somehow win.”
Gracie:
“What?! Jack, Columbus literally dominated last season and still look like MLS Cup contenders.”
Jack:
“Fine, I’ll be reasonable. Columbus wins… but NYCFC scores first just to mess with them.”
Gracie:
“Columbus 3-1. No nonsense.”
Philadelphia Union vs. St. Louis CITY SC (7:30 PM ET)
Jack:
“St. Louis is on a defensive streak, but let’s be real, that ends now. Philadelphia is going to smash through their backline.”
Gracie:
“Or, hear me out, Jack—St. Louis stays solid defensively and frustrates Philly to a 1-1 draw.”
Jack:
“Nope. 3-0 Philly, all goals in the second half, and one of them off a goalie’s mistake.”
Nashville SC vs. CF Montréal (8:30 PM ET)
Jack:
“Nashville’s defense is good, but CF Montréal wins because their coach gives an inspiring halftime speech. Trust me.”
Gracie:
“I trust actual MLS statistics. Nashville wins 2-0 with a late insurance goal.”
Sporting Kansas City vs. LAFC (8:30 PM ET)
Jack:
“LAFC scores early, Sporting KC equalizes, then someone from LAFC gets sent off in the 70th minute, and KC steals a 2-1 win.”
Gracie:
“Jack, that’s… oddly specific. I actually think LAFC will take this 2-1. More firepower, even if it’s close.”
Seattle Sounders vs. Houston Dynamo (10:30 PM ET)
Jack:
“Seattle is scoring four goals. One of them is a backheel assist from a goalkeeper.”
Gracie:
“Or maybe, just maybe, Seattle wins 2-0 like a normal game.”
Final Predictions Recap
✅ Gracie’s Picks (Seasoned Intuition)
FC Cincinnati beats Atlanta
Minnesota beats LA Galaxy
Columbus beats NYCFC
Philadelphia vs. St. Louis – Draw
Nashville beats Montréal
LAFC beats Sporting KC
Seattle beats Houston
✅ Jack’s Picks (Bold Predictions)
Atlanta upsets Cincinnati (4-1, Latte Lath hat trick)
LA Galaxy wins with a random hero
NYCFC wins with 10 men
Philadelphia blows out St. Louis
Montréal wins because of a halftime speech
Sporting KC upsets LAFC with a red card twist
Seattle wins 4-0, including a backheel assist from their goalkeeper
Jack:
“Gracie, I hope you’re ready to be completely wrong this weekend.”
Gracie:
“Jack, I think you’re either looking into your Magic Soccer Ball or bumped your head real hard. I hope you’re ready to come up with excuses when all your MLS predictions fail. What am I saying? You’re ‘The Excuse Master’.”
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
