Movie Maker! The Ultimate Hollywood Chaos Simulator: Lights, Camera, and Unwelcome Studio Interference! – Dana & Max #9
Satire Disclaimer
The following is a work of satire intended to parody the chaos of modern filmmaking, budget mismanagement, and the delusion that every movie deserves a shared cinematic universe.
No talking animals were harmed in the making of this article, though several egos were.
Max: “Welcome back to DIY Games with Dana and Max, where you don’t need a million-dollar budget to create Hollywood magic—just a deck of cards, a dice, and an unhealthy relationship with plot twists.”
Dana: “Today’s episode is inspired by Nestor and Al’s shocking exposé on how movies actually get made—turns out it involves more crying and less logic than we imagined.
So, naturally, we built a game out of it.”
Max: “Introducing Movie Maker: The Ultimate Hollywood Chaos Simulator! The game where studio notes are a weapon and Weird Uncle Slappy might save the day.”
Dana: “Here’s how it works. First, roll a die to determine your Genre, Budget, Plot Twist, and Star. Then draw cards to build your film scene by scene.”
🎬 HOW TO PLAY
Objective: Be the first player to complete your movie and survive the Final Cut Roll.
You’ll Need:
A standard deck of cards (including Jokers)
A six-sided die (1d6)
Paper and pen (for tracking the silly fun)
Step 1: Roll for Your Film Roll 1d6 for each of the following: (aka the silly fun)
Genre
1 – Comedy
2 – Action
3 – Horror
4 – Sci-Fi
5 – Romance
6 – Historical Epic
Budget
1 – Shoestring
2 – Modest
3 – Overfunded Indie
4 – Studio Mid-Budget
5 – Blockbuster
6 – Unlimited, but cursed
Plot Twist
1 – Surprise Villain
2 – Aliens
3 – Time Travel
4 – Amnesia
5 – Evil Twin
6 – Studio Rebooted It Mid-Film
Star
1 – A-list Actor
2 – B-list Icon
3 – Washed-Up Legend
4 – TikTok Influencer
5 – Talking Animal
6 – Weird Uncle Slappy
This is your original concept—your dream project, your masterpiece.
Unfortunately, the cards you draw in the following steps will absolutely derail that vision.
Step 2: Build Your Movie
2–4 players recommended
Each player starts with 3 cards. The rest are used as a draw pile.
🎞️ Gameplay
On your turn:
Step 1. Draw 1 card (you now have 4 in hand).
Step 2. Play 1 card face up in front of you (mandatory). Your movie is coming together.
Step 3. Unless you have one card of each suit face up and can now try a Final Cut Roll, your turn ends.
Your movie builds over time—every card you play becomes a permanent scene in your production.
🂡 Card Meanings
♥ Hearts = Emotional Scenes (romantic tension, tearful reunions, someone cries while looking at a sunset)
♣ Clubs = Action Sequences (car chases, rooftop fights, pirates vs. drones)
♦ Diamonds = Budget Boosts
Number value = budget amount (2–10)
Face cards = 10
Aces = 1
♠ Spades = Studio Interference (meddling, rewrites, casting demands, algorithmic notes)
Aces = Wild Cards (count as any suit, if used as a diamond it counts as 1)
Jokers = Steal a card from another player’s movie, but you must give them one of the face up cards from your movie in exchange and then discard the Joker.
If a Joker is played, trigger a Studio Shuffle: reshuffle the draw pile then all players on their next turn only, will discard 1 card and draw 2 at the start of their turn.
🎬 Winning Conditions – Final Cut Roll
Once a player has at least one of each suit (♥ ♣ ♦ ♠) in their movie, they may attempt a Final Cut Roll on their turn.
Roll 1d6 and apply the following modifiers:
🔧 Modifiers to Final Cut Roll
+1 if total Diamond value (budget) is 10 or more
-1 if you have 2 or more Spades (Studio Interference)
+1 if you have more Clubs than Hearts (action over emotion)
-1 if you have more Hearts than Clubs (emotion over action)
🎲 Roll Results
1–2: Test audiences revolt. Add 1 card on your next turn and try again.
3–4: Studio demands rewrites. Replace 1 card with a new draw on your next turn and try again.
5–6: Your movie is a hit! Game over. Victory speech optional.
🛠️ Optional Rule for More Movie Chaos
After each card played, players must describe the scene they just added:
> “This Club is a chase sequence where our pirate protagonist skates through a mall food court while holding a baby and a burrito.”
Max: “Hearts for emotional depth, Clubs for action, Diamonds for budget boosts, and Spades for studio interference. Jokers let you steal. Aces are wild. First one to finish their film and survive the Final Cut Roll wins.”
Dana: “Let’s demonstrate. I roll… Horror, Shoestring budget, Evil Twin twist, starring a washed-up legend. So I’m basically making every Nicolas Cage movie from 2009 to 2015.”
Max: “Meanwhile, I rolled Sci-Fi, Blockbuster budget, Surprise Villain twist, starring… Weird Uncle Slappy.”
Dana: “You added him. He’s not even on the dice.”
Max: “He lives in my heart. And this film is his comeback. Besides, the algorithm approved him.”
[They draw cards. Max plays a Diamond (budget boost)
Dana plays a Club (chase scene)
Max plays a Spade (studio interference).
Dana plays a Diamond (budget boost)
Max plays another Spade (more studio interference)
Dana plays a Heart (emotional scene)
Max plays a Joker (steals Dana’s Heart replacing it with one of his Spades).]
Dana: “You stole my emotional scene and left me with studio interference!”
Max: “That’s showbiz, baby.”
Dana: “Alright, we’ve got action, drama, betrayal, and zero continuity. If that doesn’t scream modern cinema, I don’t know what does.”
Max: Keep playing cards face up until someone has one of each suit and then attempt the Final Cut Roll. If you survive studio meddling, test audiences, and spontaneous reboots, you just might win.”
Dana: “Or cry. Possibly both.”
Max: “You can make movie night ridiculous, chaotic, and under budget.”
Dana: “And that’s the magic of DIY. It doesn’t have to be good—it just has to be finished before the studio replaces you with an algorithm.”
Max: “Coming soon: Weird Uncle Slappy 2: Slappier.”
Dana: “You’re not allowed to name things anymore.”
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
