Office Budget Cuts Gone Wild! – Chemtrails of Desire #4: Operation Glazed & Confused
Editor’s Note: The following program contains budget cuts, romance, and several blatant exaggerations. Viewer confusion is advised.
(Randy and Gertie’s living room – night)
The flickering glow of Wacky Benny’s latest exposé fades as Randy shuts off the TV with a dramatic flourish, as if ending a séance.
He turns to Gertie, who’s already holding a notepad titled “Enemies of Glow” and sipping tea from a mug labeled World’s Most Suspicious Girlfriend.
RANDY (clearly rattled): Gertie… these office budget cuts aren’t just slashing supplies. They’re slicing morale like an underbaked birthday cake.
GERTIE (scribbling furiously): One donut. One ring light. One chair labeled “optional.” We’re not just witnessing workplace austerity, Randy—we’re watching the slow unraveling of a once-great media empire.
RANDY: Wacky Benny is a genius.
GERTIE: That’s why we watch every episode over and over.
RANDY: These office budget cuts have all the markings of a classic corporate conspiracy. First, they take the cupcakes. Next? The soul.
GERTIE (closing her notebook with a snap):
Then it’s settled. We launch our own investigation into these office budget cuts.
RANDY (nodding solemnly):
Operation Glazed & Confused.
GERTIE: I’ll get the mood lighting. You grab the trench coats and blueberry-scented dry erase markers. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it sensually.
(Investigation HQ – aka their kitchen)
Randy and Gertie stand before a corkboard covered in employee headshots, Post-it notes, a donut receipt from 7-Eleven, and a badly Photoshopped flyer for “Budget Harmony Yoga.”
GERTIE (gesturing with a fork): Polly stopped contouring the day the drawer was locked. Coincidence? Or calculated surrender?
RANDY: Jack’s karaoke shame lines up perfectly with Benny’s mic sabotage timeline. Could the singing have been a smokescreen?
GERTIE: Or a cry for help. From a man drowning in budget despair.
RANDY: What about Max?
GERTIE: He always shows up when the green screen is working—and vanishes when it’s not. Classic inside job behavior.
RANDY (grabbing his lapel dramatically): Someone’s staging a hostile takeover from within, Gertie. And they’re doing it one slice of donut at a time.
GERTIE: This isn’t just sabotage. It’s romantic betrayal by way of spreadsheet.
RANDY (pacing): What if these office budget cuts aren’t real? What if they’re a cover?
GERTIE: A ruse? A distraction?
RANDY: To make the company look weak—so a mysterious investor can swoop in and buy it for less than a caramel macchiato with oat milk.
GERTIE (pulling out binoculars inside the kitchen for no reason): We need surveillance. I want hourly updates on birthday celebrations. Cupcake count. Frosting levels. Candles per capita.
RANDY: And microphone check-ins. We track who’s glowing—and who’s not.
GERTIE: Don’t forget morale metrics. If Sandy smiles for more than seven seconds, it’s a red flag. Nobody’s that calm unless they’re orchestrating a boardroom coup.
(Their living room next to morning)
The investigation stalls somewhere between a vision board labeled “Expose the Glow” and a second kettle corn binge.
Just as Randy drifts off beneath a motivational poster that reads “Shave the Burrito”, the doorbell rings.
Gertie opens the door to find a lone donut box on the porch. Inside: a single half-eaten donut, still warm. Next to it? A sticky note written in eyeliner:
“You’re too late.”
GERTIE (shouting): RANDY. WAKE UP. THE DONUT HAS BEEN BREACHED!
RANDY (springing up): Is it jelly-filled?
GERTIE: No. It’s full of lies.
(Informer.digital Studios)
Randy and Gertie sit under improvised lighting made from fairy lights and a heat lamp. Gertie wears oversized sunglasses. Randy’s shirt reads “I Budget Cut Myself Today To See If I Still Glow.”
RANDY (into the camera): If your office budget cuts start sounding like love letters from your oppressor—look around.
GERTIE: And if your ring light breaks during your on-air confession… use it as a halo of truth.
RANDY: This has been Chemtrails of Desire. Stay glowing, lovers.
GERTIE: And remember—if someone talking about office budget cuts offers you half a donut… ask who took the first bite.
Remember: This is satire. But that donut thing? We’re still not over it.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
