Busted! Pre-Cooked Popular Opinions: Is There Sport in Spoon Feeding? – Wacky Benny Episode 7
Satire Disclaimer – The following is a work of satire intended to parody the modern media landscape and the flood of opinion-based programming that now dominates it. These days, everyone has an opinion—and far too often, people treat agreement as evidence that something must be true. If you’ve ever nodded along with someone just because they “sounded right,” believe us, we have too. You’re the audience we’re laughing at—because we’re laughing at ourselves right alongside you. That’s the point.
[The following report contains opinions not yet sanctioned by Central Command, the Department of Viral Affairs, or the Algorithm Alignment Team. Viewer discretion is unapproved.]
They used to say stick to your lane, but at Informer.Digital, we built a roundabout and drove a food truck through it.
One minute I’m arguing about who really invented lasagna, and the next, I’m tangled in a hallway brawl over whether celebrity perfume ads qualify as a form of emotional warfare.
And you know what?
That’s the beauty of it.
See, I don’t believe in separating subjects into “safe” and “volatile.”
Needlepoint? Fair game.
Hockey? Bring it on.
World leadership decisions that make less sense than a squirrel wedding in a tornado? Absolutely.
Around here, debate is the sport—and everyone’s a player, whether you’re wielding facts, recipes, or raw intuition.
But now… now there’s a stench in the air. And it’s not just the tuna someone left in the fridge labeled “Don’t Touch—Research Sample.”
No, friend. That’s the scent of sanctioned discourse.
The suits—the ones I call The Point-Pushers—have decided we need to “streamline our perspective.” As in: deliver approved narratives, trending stances, and digestible conclusions—the kind that go down smooth even when they’re stuffed with stale breadcrumbs.
They want our popular opinions pre-cooked.
Pre-cooked!
Like sad microwavable meatloaf you buy at 1 a.m. because your fridge is empty and your will to live is low.
They call it “curated clarity.”
I call it intellectual cow-tipping.
You’re knocking over perfectly stable ideas just because someone whispered it would trend better if it fell a little to the left.
And don’t think I haven’t noticed the rise of Informer Underground.
Oh yeah.
Memos slipping out like eels in a kiddie pool. A second edition just landed. Anonymous quotes, cryptic warnings. Somebody’s stirring the pot without revealing their spoon.
I’ve got my eye on the NPCs.
You know the ones: no last name, no known purpose, but somehow always near a printer.
Look—I get it.
Chaos is scary.
But controlled messaging is scarier.
Here at Informer.Digital, we used to believe in throwing every viewpoint at the wall and letting the readers decide what stuck.
Now? We’re supposed to only serve popular opinions that have been blessed by the Department of Viral Affairs—or “Diva,” as she likes to call herself. (Yeah, she gave herself a nickname. Classic Diva.)
Meanwhile, I turn on the TV and see half a dozen shows full of smug people in fancy chairs declaring what everyone should think.
Cable news—which is actually opinion, though they rarely remind you of that—the evening news, and those daytime panel shows where six people argue about hot topics… and not one of them ever says what I’m thinking.
What line do I need to stand in to get my turn to speak?
Who picked them to be the Official Opinion-Havers of America?
Everyone has an opinion. But we act like only the ones with a professional stylist and a teleprompter are allowed to share them. Meanwhile, the rest of us are handed prepackaged talking points like they’re party favors.
Well I say this:
If you’re only allowed to talk about dinner rolls, then eventually someone will convince you dinner rolls are the whole world.
I refuse to play the popular opinion game.
Popular opinions may get more clicks. Popular opinions may avoid controversy. Popular opinions may keep advertisers from sweating through their matching polos. But popular opinions also lull us into believing that agreement equals truth.
Around here, everything should be up for discussion. Needlepoint. Hockey. Shadowy government agendas wrapped in late-night snack metaphors.
If it matters to someone, it should be debated. Not just what’s popular—what’s real.
🧂 Benny’s Final Thought (Delivered While Wearing a Colander Hat):
“Everything is a debate now. Everything. Whether it’s geo-who-sits-on-what-council affairs or the correct number of marshmallows in ambrosia salad.
So go ahead, bring your theories, your takes, your bad recipes. At least here, we’ll argue over ‘em all.
That’s what makes this Informer.Digital.
We’re not your cozy, predictable media outlet.
We’re a hot mic, a paper trail, and one unpaid intern away from total enlightenment.”
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
