💻 The Algorithm That Seduced Me – Episode 3: Explosive Dust, Intense Discipline, and Trendy Designer Footwear
Satire Disclaimer
The following is a work of satire intended to parody the modern media landscape and the emotion-engineered policies that now dominate it.
If you’ve ever longed to hold power accountable with steel-toed clarity, just know: you’re not alone. Somewhere, an algorithm is already calculating the optimal angle for justice.
[Opening Scene – Sector Omega, Visibility Level: Obstructed]
Castor Vale (narrating): A strange haze lingers over the Influence Sector.
Meteorologists call it Saharan Dust.
The suits call it atmospheric interference.
But everyone down here knows better.
It’s Legacy Smog—decades of unresolved ego, authoritarian hot air, and algorithm-approved arrogance drifting across what used to be breathable space.
The kind of dust that doesn’t just block storms—it inhibits the formation of anything resembling a decent human being.
Novella Kane (squinting into the yellow-gray sky): They say it’s sand from Africa. I say it’s residue from every lie that’s ever trended.
[Data Leak – New Directive: Protocol 9.2]
An alert blinks across every public feed.
> Central Command Memo:
“Effective immediately, authority figures caught knowingly spreading misinformation will face disciplinary action under Protocol 9.2:
One (1) citizen-administered groin strike.
All kicks must be filmed for redemption-stream metrics and sham reversal audit.”
Novella (deadpan): They’re calling it a ‘kick of conscience.’ I call it a beautiful start.
Castor: Finally—a protocol that rewards impact instead of spin.
[Montage – The Great Groin Rush]
(Sexy Algorithmic Voice-Over): Within minutes of the announcement, the market responded.
Steel-toed boots sold out nationwide.
VirtuMart’s algorithm crashed under the weight of demand.
Trending tags included #JusticeKicks, #BootsBeforeSuits, and #ToeTheLie.
Top-Selling Brand:
Comeuppance™ – “Ethical Footwear for Ethical Rage”
Influencer collabs:
A viral tutorial titled “How to Aim With Dignity” garners 8.6M views before being flagged for “real-world satire.”
Government-issued line:
Neutral Footwear Units – Standardized, unisex, groin-ready
Black market mod:
Titanium-reinforced Doc Martens that flash “LIE” on impact
Novella (scrolling her feed): Look at this. Designer boots in mint green with the words ‘Trust Issues’ etched into the toe cap. The algorithm already knows my size.
Castor: They’re turning accountability into an accessories market. And somehow, it’s still the most progress we’ve made in years.
[Operation: Parade of Accountability]
(Sexy Algorithmic Voice-Over): To honor the launch of Protocol 9.2, Central Command unveiled a grand national celebration: The Parade of Accountability.
79 armored vehicles—one for each year of the legacy of manufactured truth.
Each rolling through the capital with missile-shaped floats, boot-themed confetti, and algorithm-approved chant choreography.
> Unofficial Slogan: “We Approve This Message But Only if We Get Enough Likes.”
Novella (watching the trucks roll by): Missiles for morality. Because nothing says integrity like 79 explosive metaphors in traffic.
Castor: Unit 38 spelled ‘TRUTH HURTS’ in binary. Then the algorithm flagged it for hostile intent.
Unit 1: Inflatable groin boot dubbed “The Sole of Justice”
Unit 23: Fireworks that explode into the shape of a subpoena
Unit 79: An unmarked vehicle, swarmed by drones. No logos. No names. Just algorithmic silence
The Sentence That Echoes
(Sexy Algorithmic Voice-Over): Just as The Parade of Accountability began rolling through Sector Omega, news broke:
“The nation’s longest-serving legislator—once hailed as a monument to procedural permanence—was sentenced to seven and a half years in federal prison for corruption. The algorithm didn’t flag it as ironic, but we did.”
Novella (dry): Seven and a half years. That’s roughly 2,738 opportunities for groin strikes, assuming good behavior and the occasional national holiday.
Castor: Funny. He lasted decades in office without accountability—then tripped the algorithm just in time for his legacy to end in steel-toed poetry.
The Investigation Continues
Novella (brushing dust off her jacket): The air’s still thick with Legacy Smog. But for once, the people aren’t choking on it. They’re marching through it—with boots on.
Castor (checking his cracked screen): We’re not chasing rumors anymore. We’re tracking the source code. Whoever’s trying to buy this place? The algorithm’s starting to leave a trail.
A new trend spikes: #AlgorithmicAccountability.
Next Time on The Algorithm That Seduced Me:
According to the algorithm, the next major trend will be a chicken-fried double taco burger—loaded with chili, cheese, guacamole, and bacon—served in the shape of your favorite green leafy vegetable.
Because nothing says health like deep-fried deception with a garnish of denial.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
