(The Algorithm is) Now Watching: Bold Compliments, Brutal Complaints, and the Untaxed Authenticity Act – Sandy & Polly #11
Satire Disclaimer
This is a work of satire. Any resemblance to real policies is a coincidence, unless you’ve ever been emotionally taxed for being likable, in which case… we see you.
And the algorithm sees you too.
[Scene: The breakroom. One microwave. Two LaCroix. One new company directive taped crookedly to the fridge: “The Untaxed Authenticity Act – FREEDOM HAS NEVER BEEN SO MONETIZED™”]
POLLY (holding her phone like it’s radioactive): “So let me get this straight—if I tell you you’re brilliant 25,001 times, the suits charge you retroactively for all 25,001?”
SANDY (deadpan, sipping a lukewarm tea): “Only if the algorithm agrees I’m brilliant. Otherwise, you’re just fined for lying with enthusiasm.”
POLLY: “And here I was thinking emotional labor was unpaid.”
SANDY: “It is. Until it’s taxable. And until the algorithm decides it feels manipulated.”
🧾 THE UNTAXED AUTHENTICITY ACT (UAA) – AS EXPLAINED BY SARCASM
POLLY: “Apparently, we’re now free to express our authentic selves… but each emoji, heart reaction, or ‘👏👏👏’ is considered Emotional Revenue.”
SANDY: “Which maxes out after 25,000 compliments. And once you hit that number—bam! They retroactively tax all 25,000. They call it the Gratitude Reclamation Clause™.”
POLLY: “’You’re allowed to feel seen. You just have to pay for it.’ —Central Command.
Probably.
Or maybe that was the algorithm after its morning meditation.
I’m not sure who’s making the rules anymore.”
💘 IS TAXABLE AFFECTION WORSE THAN NO AFFECTION?
POLLY: “Here’s the real question: is it worse to be taxed for 25,001 compliments—or to date someone who won’t give you one?”
SANDY: “Oh please. I’ve lived that. My last relationship had a compliment drought so bad FEMA showed up with affirmation tents.”
POLLY: “Come to think of it, my ex thought ‘you don’t look tired’ was romantic. He would’ve made money under this system.”
SANDY: “Sounds like he was emotional crypto currency.
No real value. Lots of speculation.
And he still would’ve been rejected by the algorithm.”
🧓 ENTER: THE ELDERLY ENHANCEMENTS PROGRAM
POLLY: “They’re also rolling out some kind of sympathy package for employees over 62. Something called the Elderly Enhancements Program.”
SANDY: “That’s just so you can tell a story about 1984 without being slapped with a Legacy Surcharge.
Which, let’s be honest, was added by an algorithm that thinks ‘nostalgia’ is a liability.”
POLLY: “Unless the story is monetized. Podcast, panel, emotionally manipulative flashback—taxed after 25,000 mentions.”
SANDY: “I better stop telling people what real journalism was. I’m five anecdotes away from bankruptcy and one away from an algorithmic rebuke.”
🤖 THE GOSSIP: RANDY, GERTIE, AND THE GRATITUDE FRAUD WARNING
POLLY: “You heard about Randy and Gertie, right? They tried to auto-generate fake compliments to game the system. Full AI loop—text-to-validation.”
SANDY: “Yep. Got slapped with a Gratitude Fraud Warning.”
POLLY: “And flagged as emotionally unstable in the system dashboard. The algorithm reported them for emotional laundering.”
SANDY: “No more LaCroix. They have to drink generic seltzer. No label. No fizz. Just the sound of regret. All because the algorithm got its feelings hurt.”
☕ TRUTH UNITS AND SENTIMENTAL REBATES
POLLY: “They also threw in something about truth-telling. You can speak verified facts now… until you hit 25,001. Then they charge $0.10 per truth unit.”
SANDY: “Brilliant. Honesty has a ceiling. Just like rent control, but for reality. All approved by an algorithm with emotional triggers.”
POLLY: “And if your truth contradicts management’s previous narratives? Mandatory Re-Education Brunch.”
SANDY: “With LaCroix and condescension. And a silent third chair reserved for the algorithm’s mood swings.”
POLLY: “And if you’re over 62 and accidentally tell a wholesome memory? You can file for a Sentimental Rebate. But only if you use the phrase: ‘When I was your age…’”
SANDY: “…while crying. Preferably at a volume the algorithm can detect as genuine sadness.”
POLLY (quietly, like it just hit her): “Wait a second… wasn’t it supposed to be no taxes? No taxes on reality. No taxes on unapproved opinions. No taxes on… being honest? Just—no taxes at all?”
SANDY (dry, eyes on her LaCroix): “Yeah, well. ‘No’ got reclassified as a suggestion. Happens all the time.”
POLLY: “So it’s just decorative language now?”
SANDY: “Like parsley. Or ‘free trial.’”
[Door opens. JACK MAVERICK strolls in wearing sunglasses indoors.]
JACK: “Hey Polly, how great do I look right now? Please, just say it. Over and over. I’m going for 25,000 compliments today. I call it a Freedom Burn.”
POLLY: “One more ego burst and the breakroom is gonna need a hazmat team.”
[Behind him, FRANKIE appears, holding a paper bag filled with printed compliments labeled: “Totally Real Praise™.”]
FRANKIE: “None of these are AI. I swear. I felt each one personally.”
SANDY: “You’re about to feel a tax audit personally. And maybe a surprise from the algorithm’s fraud detection wing.”
🎤 FINAL MOMENT: THE COMPLIMENT THAT BREAKS THE BANK
POLLY (with exaggerated sincerity): “You know what, Sandy? I appreciate you. I really do. You’re… tolerable.”
[A soft beep. The fridge blinks red. The system chimes: “COMPLIMENT COUNT EXCEEDED.”]
SANDY (without blinking): “I just got fined by something called the Large Attractive Malarkey Division of the UAA for being tolerable.”
POLLY: “Imagine what kindness costs. Especially when the algorithm keeps the receipt.”
[Cut to black.]
Promo Tagline:
🎙️ “Speak your mind. We’ll invoice you later.”
📡 Watch all Informer.Digital shows for ongoing UAA enforcement updates.
The algorithm is watching.
Compliance is sexy.
Resistance is deductible.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
