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The Clickbait Headline That Still Has Me Laughing

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Photo by Marcus Aurelius: Over 50 Relationship Advice https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-and-woman-sitting-on-sofa-while-looking-at-a-laptop-6787970/
Photo by Marcus Aurelius

Over 50 Relationship Advice

So, you’ve reached the golden years, and you stumble upon an advertisement that boldly promises to help you “Leave Your Partner Satisfied, Even if You’re Over 50.”

First off, congratulations on still being targeted by advertisers—you’re clearly doing something right.

But let’s unpack this lofty promise and figure out what “satisfied” actually means in the real world.

Trust me it’s not what the ad implies.

The Only ‘Salt Trick’ I Know

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not here to peddle some magic salt ritual that’ll suddenly make you irresistible.

The only salt trick I know is to reduce it in your diet so you don’t end up at urgent care after a sandwich made from two packages of processed meats and some bacon.

And guess what.

Feeling less bloated might actually leave your partner satisfied. I’m pretty sure the phrase “Geeze I feel bloated” was never in a Lifetime movie.

Realistic Ways to Satisfy Your Partner

If you’re imagining candlelit dinners and seductive glances, pump the brakes.

At this stage of life, satisfaction is less about passion and more about practicality.

You want to leave your partner satisfied? Start by doing the dishes without being asked. Nothing whispers romance like a spotless sink.

Better yet, tackle that laundry mountain you’ve been side-eyeing for weeks.

Folding fitted sheets might not scream “sexy,” but trust me, it’s foreplay for anyone who’s been picking up your socks since 1987.

Redefining Satisfaction: It’s Not Rocket Science

Think satisfaction means skywriting love poems or becoming a gourmet chef overnight? Think again. Satisfaction in the “My Joints Ache, and I’m Sitting Down” phase of life is about keeping things simple

Partner Satisfaction Over 60

Ditch the Ancient T-Shirt: Yes, the one older than your adult children with fewer fibers left than your hairline. Burning it might even count as an anniversary surprise.

Fix the Man Cave: That ancient recliner with a suspicious dent? Replace it with something your partner might actually sit on without needing a tetanus booster.

Errands Are the New Date Night

Want to leave your partner really satisfied?

Pick up the dry cleaning without a reminder text.

Swing by the grocery store and actually remember the oat milk (yes, the one in the blue carton, no green, or maybe it’s supposed to be almond milk ahhh!).

And do all of that with the enthusiasm of a teenager unwrapping a new iPhone (well, ok try).

Reframe the Ad’s Subtext

Let’s be real: that ad wasn’t aimed at dishwashing enthusiasts. But hey, let’s call out the double standard.

Society’s message to men over 50 is often some variation of “buy this product to stay relevant in the bedroom.”

Meanwhile, women over 50 are busy running the world, starting new businesses, and starring in multi-million-dollar skincare campaigns.

How About We Reclaim The Narrative

Satisfaction isn’t about magic pills or quick fixes—it’s about showing up, being considerate, and maybe even cracking a joke that doesn’t involve a 1970s pop culture reference (I don’t know who’s trendy now either that’s why we have Google)

Bonus! The Over-60 Cheat Sheet to Partner Satisfaction

Compliment Creatively: “You look amazing in those sweatpants” goes a long way.

Share the Load: Literally and figuratively—whether it’s grocery bags or emotional labor.

Be Present: No, not the kind you forgot to buy for last year’s anniversary. I mean be there. Engage. Listen. Nod like you mean it(You can practice that one in front of the mirror).

Surprise Them: Clean the gutters. Organize the garage. Bake something—bonus points if it’s edible.

Satisfaction Redefined

At the end of the day, leaving your partner satisfied when you’re over 60 isn’t about what you’ve got left to prove—it’s about what you’re willing to give.

And if all else fails, do the dishes, do the laundry, clean the man cave, and—this is critical—actually put the toilet seat down. You’d be amazed how far that goes.