Since mid-November, residents in New Jersey have been buzzing about reported drone sightings. According to the Department of Homeland Security and the FBI, most of these sightings are actually “lawful manned aircraft.”
However, DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas admitted that some remain unidentified.
“The agency is monitoring the situation and deploying additional resources,” Mayorkas said, expertly toeing the line between action and ambiguity.
This kind of language is the hallmark of a government agency trying to sound authoritative while knowing little more than the rest of us.
But why should they have all the fun?
These vague-yet-official phrases can also come in handy for the rest of us—especially when you’re asked for explanations you don’t have and want to dodge with a certain je ne sais quoi.
Situation:
You’re asked to run to the store to pick up a few things.
Response:
“We’re currently assessing the shopping list and exploring the most efficient supply chain options. Updates will be provided once all logistical factors have been considered.”
Situation:
Someone wants to know why dinner isn’t ready yet.
Response:
“We’re carefully reviewing all culinary processes to ensure the highest standard of meal preparation. Completion time remains under active evaluation.”
Situation:
You promised to clean the house but haven’t started.
Response:
“We’re coordinating efforts to address household tidiness in phases, prioritizing critical areas. A full resolution is expected soon, pending additional resources.”
Situation:
You’re asked why you haven’t called someone back.
Response:
“Efforts are underway to reconcile communication priorities. We value the importance of the outreach and will respond once the appropriate conditions are in place.”
Situation:
Someone asks where their phone is.
Response:
“This issue is under active investigation, and we’re leveraging all available resources to locate the missing item. Updates will follow as the situation evolves.”
Situation:
Someone asks you to join their karaoke performance at a party.
Response:
“We’re reviewing vocal performance metrics and assessing audience impact. Participation will be determined based on final analysis and emotional readiness.”
Situation:
You’re asked to volunteer at your kid’s school event.
Response:
“Our calendar is undergoing a comprehensive review to identify opportunities for involvement. Participation will depend on the resolution of ongoing scheduling conflicts.”
And don’t forget, your kids are always watching and learning from you too…
Situation:
You ask your kid why their science project isn’t done yet.
Response:
“I’m currently consulting with subject-matter experts and conducting a peer review to ensure scientific accuracy. Implementation will begin once all hypotheses are verified and the necessary resources are secured.”
Whether you’re DHS or just dodging household chores, sometimes sounding like you’re in control is half the battle.
