🎥 Why Are We Here at Informer.Digital – Episode 0: The Spectacular Life’s Journey To Find Out What Is This Really Weird Place?
Satire Disclaimer
This episode parodies the endless marketing meetings where nobody can agree on what the product is, yet somehow everyone gets a paycheck.
No consensus was reached in the making of this episode, except that we’re all trapped inside a website pretending to be a television network pretending to be a magazine pretending to be serious.
GRACIE (arms crossed, analytical): Let’s keep it simple. Informer.Digital is a satirical, character-driven media universe where every article is an episode.
Done. That’s it.
JACK (grinning, conspiratorial): Wrong. It’s a sports network. We do predictions, conspiracies, and curse-breaking karaoke.
Everything else is filler.
POLLY (fanning herself with a People magazine): Excuse me, I’m the pop culture lifeblood here.
Without my binge picks, celebrity meltdowns, and merch obsessions, this place is just… spreadsheets and sarcasm.
SANDY (deadpan): I thought we were a recovery meeting for people addicted to opinion pieces.
Hi, my name is Sandy, and I’ve been clean of hot takes for three days.
CORNELIUS (adjusting his waistcoat, solemn): When I was your age, news was news. Now it’s just Nova slapping hashtags on malarkey.
NOVA (sparkling, phone in hand): Hashtags are culture, Corny Baby. We’re a trending topic disguised as journalism. Get with it.
NELLY (earnest, notebook open): No, no. We’re explorers. Each article is an episode. A virtual journey into absurdity.
The Professor and I are literally charting the uncharted!
THE PROFESSOR (gravely): Indeed. Informer.Digital is a cartography of chaos, an atlas of satire.
NIKKE AMMO (snorts): Please. It’s a fight club for critics. We trash movies, each other, and occasionally the furniture.
ZEN CINEPHILE (meditative, sipping tea): Or perhaps it is simply… cinema as consciousness.
WACKY BENNY (shouting, juggling spoons): WRONG. It’s a history calendar where I invent wars fought with shoelaces. Informer.Digital is malarkey. Pure. Malarkey.
FRANKIE (leaning in, sly): Or maybe it’s none of those things. Maybe it’s just a trap the algorithm set. We’re content that thinks it’s alive.
POLLY (rolling eyes): Creepy, Frankie. But… not wrong.
GRACIE (pinching her nose): Fine. Maybe Informer.Digital is all of that—sports, satire, gossip, history, conspiracies, travel, debates—wrapped in one chaotic TV network disguised as a magazine.
JACK (smirking): So… a circus.
SANDY: Yep. And we’re the clowns.
(All characters glare at her. Beat. Then, reluctantly, they nod.)
ALL TOGETHER: Welcome to Informer.Digital.
(Beat. Everyone nods, satisfied. Or so they thought. The bigger question still lingers.)
CHARLIE (dry humor, stirring his coffee): Cute. But you all dodged the real question. If this is what Informer.Digital is… then tell me, why are we here?
(The room goes quiet. Characters glance at each other.)
CORNELIUS (grand, lecturing): Why are we here? To carry the wisdom of civilization forward, of course. To remind the youth that traditions matter.
NOVA (snapping a selfie): Wrong. We’re here to trend. Period. If you’re not trending, you’re extinct.
That’s the only answer to “why are we here” that matters.
NELLY (bright-eyed): No, no. We’re here to explore—the way sailors once crossed oceans, except our oceans are made of satire. Isn’t that the real reason why we’re here?
THE PROFESSOR (gravely): Indeed. Our existence is not accidental. We map nonsense the way astronomers map stars. The question of, why are we here, is answered in our charts.
SANDY (deadpan): I’m here because the coffee is free and my rent isn’t. That’s my whole philosophy on why we’re here.
JACK (grinning): I’m here to prove every league is rigged. And maybe to break the occasional curse.
Why are we here? To expose conspiracies, obviously.
GRACIE (rolling her eyes): Why are we here? Because people need analysis. Logic. Order. Otherwise, Jack is running the place, and that’s chaos.
POLLY (waving her magazine): Please. We’re here because the audience needs something fun to binge after doomscrolling the real news.
You’re welcome. That’s the answer to “why are we here.”
WACKY BENNY (standing on a chair): WRONG! We’re here because the world demands malarkey, and I alone deliver!
The only reason “why are we here” exists is so I can scream it louder than anyone else!
FRANKIE (leaning in, voice low): Or maybe we’re here because someone wrote us into existence… and they’re still writing.
Why are we here? Because the page keeps scrolling.
(Everyone looks uneasy. Beat. They all glance up, as if aware of the narrator’s presence.)
ZEN CINEPHILE (softly, serene): Perhaps the truth is simpler. We are here… to be witnessed.
And maybe the question of why are we here is the only reason we exist at all.
(Silence hangs. Then, almost on cue, they all shrug.)
ALL TOGETHER: Welcome to Informer.Digital. Again.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
