The Algorithm That Seduced Me Episode 5: The Bold Rebirth of Truth – “The National Truth Restoration Act”
Satire Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire intended to parody the modern media landscape, algorithmic justice, and our insatiable thirst for public accountability.
If you’ve ever secretly wanted to noogie someone on live TV for lying through their veneers, this one’s for you.
CENTRAL COMMAND – MORNING BRIEFING ROOM
The room is chaotic. Screens flash emergency headlines. A frazzled aide drops their LaCroix.
> Headline 1: “CEO Glitter-Bombed for Lying About Layoffs.”
> Headline 2: “Congressman Noogied After Claiming ‘We’re All in This Together.'”
> Headline 3: “TikTok Star Swirlied Following Fake Charity Campaign.”
CHIEF DIRECTOR (panicked): How the hell did this pass?! Who uploaded a juvenile justice protocol into the national legislation queue?!
AIDE #1 (scrolling nervously): Sir, the algorithm confirms the law passed unanimously. It… auto compiled. Something called the National Truth Restoration Act.
AIDE #2: It originated from deep within the Decency Index algorithm. It cross-referenced trending search terms, nostalgia metrics, and recess discipline archives.
SHADOW SERVER FARM – NIGHT
Flickering fluorescent lights. Wires hang like ivy. In the center: ECHO SPECTER, eyes glowing faintly in the light of ten monitors. Her voice is calm, rehearsed, surgical.
ECHO: “You don’t fix broken systems with policy. You fix them with humiliation.”
She executes the final upload. A series of icons flicker to life: The Juvenile Justice League has been activated. The algorithm accepts the update. There is no rollback.
MONTAGE: SLAPSTICK JUSTICE ENFORCEMENT
Captain Clample (aka The Purple Nurple) descends from a rooftop, goggles swirling.
He clamps down on a tech bro mid-livestream after he says, “We’re prioritizing people over profits.” The algorithm flags the lie in real-time.
Wedgimus Prime (aka The Atomic Wedgie) yells “PULL TO REMEMBER!” before launching a senator into midair by the waistband.
Viewers upvote the footage. The algorithm pushes it to trending.
Dr. Moist (aka Wet Willy) leans into a hedge fund manager’s ear, whispering “Quarterly projections were fake, weren’t they?” SLURP.
The algorithm recommends related confessions.
Sparkle Justice (aka Glitter Bomb) crashes through a boardroom window. Her glitter cannon explodes as she declares, “FABRICATE THIS!”
The algorithm logs the moment as “public catharsis.”
The Brain Scrambler (aka The Noogie) corners a podcast host who faked being “shadow banned.” Hydraulic elbows engage. Knuckles spin.
The algorithm classifies the punishment as restorative.
Flush Gordon (aka The Swirly Cyclone) arrives in the Capitol restroom, catching a lobbyist in mid-spin: “Circular justice for circular logic.”
The algorithm notifies public subscribers.
GREEN ROOM – INFORMER.DIGITAL STUDIO
CASTOR VALE and NOVELLA KANE stare at the live feed in silence.
Castor is mid-bite, toast frozen halfway to his mouth, crumbs clinging to his lip like they know something he doesn’t.
NOVELLA: Is it weird that this feels… satisfying?
CASTOR: It’s like my childhood rage and my adult cynicism shook hands. And the algorithm finally noticed.
NOVELLA: But it passed as law. We didn’t vote for this. Who would?
Castor types furiously into a terminal. A folder pops open: “Project Detention.”
Inside: Code strings. Video loops. A masked face.
ECHO SPECTER (pre-recorded): “You built the Algorithm. I gave it a conscience. Sorry if it’s a bit… immature.”
PARK – LATER THAT NIGHT
Public response is… complicated. Some cheer. Others line up to be punished, hoping for clout.
INFLUENCER #1(posing): I told my followers I invented oat milk. PLEASE give me Sparkle.
INFLUENCER #2 (yelling):Â
Dr. Moist! Over here! I ghost wrote a memoir! My engagement is down!
ALGORITHM ALERT: “Integrity penalty engagement detected. Upvote potential: high.”
INFORMER.DIGITAL GREEN ROOM – NIGHT
CASTOR: Did we stop the lie… or just give it better production value? The algorithm doesn’t care why people watch, just that they do.
NOVELLA: The truth never goes viral. But this? This might.
She looks out the window. A glitter trail sparkles across the night sky.
FADE OUT.
> NEXT TIME ON THE ALGORITHM THAT SEDUCED ME…
Central Command tries to monetize punishments. A public backlash brews. Echo Specter watches from the shadows. And a new enforcer arrives: The Chuckler.
Mike worked in the radio industry for 35 years which means sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, trash talking characters to remind you laughter is good for the soul! Let’s have some fun with entertainment, movies and TV, sports, budget food and games, lifestyle and we’ll get ridiculous.
